Advice or thoughts needed

[kbuska]

Hello everyone. I know I haven't been On in a while as I haven't had much time outside of work and school but I have a dilemma and you all are some of the best people I know.

I'm a believer of surrounding yourself by people who make you feel good or are uplifting. Does this also apply to my mother in law who hates my guys and the feeling is mutual and when I'm around her I feel like I'm some awful person or a fake. Anyways trying hard to cut out contact with her would be difficult and could affect my relationship with my wife.

She was over to our house for a few days and I avoided her like the plague and didn't say one word and I felt awesome.

Your honest thoughts would be appreciated

-Ken

 

[Lindy]

Unfortunately that one is not healthy for your relationship. I had a SIL that I absolutely detested but to maintain my relationship with my brother I had to suck it up. This one is even tougher because she is your wife's mother. All you can do is try to play nice....

Now that is only my opinion... :|

 

[judymoody]

My advice is the following: she is probably an unhappy person. Treat her difficult personality with kindness. Try to rise above. It may not change how she behaves but you'll know you did your best.

Extending kindness in the world is never a bad choice. And it might end up doing some good in the long run.

Good luck and glad to see you back on the boards!

 

[IrishLass]

My advice is the following: she is probably an unhappy person. Treat her difficult personality with kindness. Try to rise above. It may not change how she behaves but you'll know you did your best.

Extending kindness in the world is never a bad choice. And it might end up doing some good in the long run.

Good luck and glad to see you back on the boards!

Sage advice.

My hubby had to deal with my very difficult mother (who has since passed on), so I can kinda relate in a reversed way. Hubby and I were a united force, though, when it came to my mom. Although we were as kind to her as we were reasonably able to be (some have told us "too kind"), we both had our eyes wide open as to how difficult she could be, and we had a line drawn in the sand that we refused to let her go over. That meant that we got disowned by her a few times, but our marriage never suffered one iota for it.

Choosing to be kind to her is definitely the best policy, but at the same time you and your wife need to be on the same page and have an agreed upon boundary line of defense where you've got each other's back, so to speak, in order that a wedge is not driven into your marriage.

IrishLass

 

[Cosmo]

Have you seen the show Monster in Law? You may be able to relate!

Are you and your wife on the same page about her mom? If so, make sure to keep communication open regarding the situation. Like someone else said, develop a united front.

If you don't see her often, try to be pleasant with her when you do. However, don't exchange any personal information about yourself or even how things are going, really. Stick to small talk.

If you see her often, try to find something to keep yourself busy when you're around her. I have found this helps.

The most important thing is to keep a good line of communication with your wife. Otherwise things could become triangulated, and that's never fun!

 

[Hazel]

Hi Ken,

I'm glad to see you on but I'm sorry about the reason for it. I can't add anything else because you already have received good advice. Unfortunately, you sometimes have to smile and bear it to keep the peace.

 

[kbuska]

Thank you all for your kind advice. I think I will play nice and just try not to let it bother me as much.

Hazel, from your awesome tag lines "The last thing I want to do is hurt you...but it's still on my list." you have always appeared to me as a true bad a$$ but perhaps you are a softy who just talks big hehehe.

Cheers everyone,
Ken

 

[Hazel]

Hazel, from your awesome tag lines "The last thing I want to do is hurt you...but it's still on my list." you have always appeared to me as a true bad a$$ but perhaps you are a softy who just talks big hehehe.

Yup! I'm really a big wimp except with one of my nieces. I'm a on wheels with her. She had a really big B attitude with me a few years ago. She learned very quickly that my big B attitude had been honed and developed numerous more years on people tougher than her. She avoids me. :wink:

One of my favorite tag lines is still "Some people are like Slinkies. They aren't really good for anything but they still bring a smile to my face when I push them down a flight of stairs.” While you're smiling at your MIL, you can be mentally singing this [ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EZL6RGkPjws]song[/ame] in your head.

 

[IrishLass]

[While you're smiling at your MIL, you can be mentally singing this song in your head.

Oh my gosh! That brings back such memories! Thanks- I'm going to have that song in my head all day now.


IrishLass

 

[Hazel]

Thanks- I'm going to have that song in my head all day now.

You're welcome! At least I didn't include a link to "Little Bunny Foo Foo". :wink:

 

[Maythorn]

I wouldn't say one word either! I'd be afraid to give any fodder to someone who isn't nice to me and I can't understand why. Pulling away and disengaging without hostility seems maybe the best way to go.

 

[countymounty22]

Kbuka-Working as a deputy, I come across people who try to ruffle my feathers. They talk mad game, even after they have been placed in nice silver bracelets. I treat them very nice and say nothing back to them. That makes them even more upset. I have run into guys that I have had to go hands on with and they apologize to me later. Kill her with kindness. Give her a bar of your soap and if she wads it up and throws it in the garbage, say to her, "huh, maybe I should use more palm oil" and walk away. Good luck buddy.