What to do?

[campbellsoap]

A friend of my sister's wants me to teach her how to make soap. I agreed last year and then it dawned on me that it has taken me 3 years to get the recipe that people really really like and why should I give it away. I canceled and told them that she needs to get on the internet and read everything she can find about making soap. Read the forums, I have learned so much from the forums. I got the excuse I'm a hands on learner. I am too but the knowledge you learn from other peoples mistakes and trials are priceless.

This year her husband has built her a soaping shack and she won't try any until I come over and teach her how. I told them for her to find her own recipe and I will come guide her.

Am I a mean person?

 

[loveit_latherit]

No you are not mean. In fact I think since she is you sister's friend not your friend - that you should charge her. That's my opinion. Even like $20 ... People have repsect for something that have to pay for ... Anyway - I think it's good that you tell her to do her research. We are very fortuate that we live in the age of the intenet and we don't have to pay to learn things like we used to ... Books or a local class all costs money and lots of trial and error. You will help her streamline this process! It's priceless really. If she were your personal friend I'd say your mean ... LOL Just kidding And OF COURSE have her find an online receipe ...

 

[MrsFusion]

Perhaps just show her a basic Olive Oil recipe. Show her the procedure. And explain to her that she will have to find her own unique recipe through trial and error.

I'm a newbie too...I just did batch 35 today....and I still don't have it exactly how I want. And then...I have to wait until they have cured...and actually use them....and see how they perform in the shower test

 

[IrishLass]

Perhaps just show her a basic Olive Oil recipe. Show her the procedure. And explain to her that she will have to find her own unique recipe through trial and error.

That was exactly what I was thinking, too. No reason to have to use your own recipes at all. A basic OO recipe or one Miller's Soaps recipes will do just fine.

Either that, or she could look online. There are tons of soaping 'how-to' videos on YouTube.

IrishLass

 

[Sunny]

It's okay to show someone HOW TO make soap... that is a lot different than sharing your recipe. Just show her how to make a 100% olive oil castille soap, done.

 

[Bubbly Buddha]

I don't think you're mean. My SIL wanted to help me make soap and I basically told her that making soap is MY time, for ME. It is a stress reliever and I want it to be MY activity. If she wants to make it on her own, go ahead.
As for sharing your recipe, direct her to a beginner's book, like Everything series and offer your assistance maybe, to a recipe she picks.

 

[carebear]

her husband built her a soaping shack and she's never made soap?

hmmm......

 

[BakingNana]

her husband built her a soaping shack and she's never made soap?

hmmm......

Ya....does she hire him out? He sounds like a nice guy!!

 

[pgnlady]

I agree with just showing her a basic recipe, maybe one she picks out from a book or something. I wouldn't share your recipe though. Why give away what you've worked hard for?

 

[ToniD]

her husband built her a soaping shack and she's never made soap?

hmmm......

Yeah, that was my first reaction Wow.

But, I agree with the general consensus--give her a recipe to learn on, but not your special recipe, and teach her to soap. I would be inclined to have her come to you--less of a time involvement for you and besides you will know where your stuff is and know that everything works as it should.

 

[Deda]

Am I a mean person?

Maybe not mean, but petty and mean spirited.

Sorry, you asked. You came here and asked questions (I checked) and learned from the advice you got here.

Fast forward a couple years - she asked for your guidance, you said yes, then you changed your mind because you didn't want to give away your recipe? Seriously?

Sounds like you might be a wee bit jealous of this soap shack.

JMO.

 

[MrsFusion]

Wow...

 

[SudsyKat]

I agree with what some have said - IF you have the time and IF you are so inclined, then go ahead and teach her to soap, using a simple, widely available recipe. You're basically doing your sister a favor - she's a friend of your sister. She's not your friend.

If I were in any position to teach (I'm pretty new, so I'm not), then personally, I would be happy to have someone watch me soap and ask questions, but I would not necessarily go out of my way and make a special trip to someone's house to do it. On the other hand, if that person were very gracious and humble in their request, maybe I would go to their house.

Bottom line - I think you should be very gracious if someone asks you to help them learn to soap (like Deda said, you've received a lot of help yourself). At the same time, it kind of depends on who's asking and what their attitude is. You don't have to be a doormat. Go with your gut, but err on the side of kindness.

 

[campbellsoap]

My intention was not to be petty or mean spirited. This lady didn't have a soap shack when I declined. She is friends with my sister because the government pays her to take care of my handicapped niece. I have never met the lady and my sister only sees her when she cares for my niece.

After I got goats she wanted goats and when I got chickens she wanted me to give her chickens. I gave her a few. I have never made money on goats or chickens just a hobby but she looks at them as a money makers.

She is looking at making soap as a money maker. I feel like she needs to do a lot of research and trial and error before she starts selling soap. I felt like if I put her off she would research. I feel like I'm new at making soap after working at it for 3 years. I would hate to show her and her immediate start making soap and not learn all the in's and out's and it ending up hurting a person.

 

[cerelife]

LOL @ Deda!!
You don't mince words, I like that...
As a total newbie, I've been blessed to get tons of great advice on soaping forums to add to the research I've done on the internet as well as the recommended books I read before I made my very first batch.
Thanks to the wisdom of others...my 1st, 2nd, 3rd and 4th attempts have been complete successes! I made my own recipes by researching the qualities of different oils and what they add to my soap. This research came from annoying the crap (I'm sure!) out of more experienced soapmakers on these same forums. I'm quite sure that I'll have some bad batches along the way of my soaping journey, but all the guidance I've recieved has made my very first recipe pretty much exactly what I wanted...so I guess I would be pretty pissed off as well if someone asked me for a recipe it took three years to get right.
BTW...my husband loves the soap I make so much, he has already offered to build me a "soap shack" if I stick with it for a year (this caveat because I tend to get really excited about something, then drop it for the next "project", LOL) !

 

[cerelife]

BTW...I don't sell my soap...wayyyy to new to the craft for that!

 

[Deda]

I have never met the lady and my sister only sees her when she cares for my niece.

You gave her goats and chickens. You've struggled so much with your decision not to teach her that you posted your dilemma here. But you've never met her?
I don't know what to say.

 

[Tabitha]

If you don't mind showing her how (like you said you would) and your only problem with it is giving your special recipe away, show her how with a basic recipe from the Miller Soap website. A little kindness never hurt anyone. Maybe if you spent some time with her she might turn into a friend or even a soaping buddy.

 

[agriffin]

I'd show her how and charge her 20 bucks for materials.

 

[MissMori]

I'd get a simple, easy to find oils (grocery store) recipe and then have her purchase everything, bring it to your place and teach her. Have her look for the lye as well. If you don't purchase locally, offer to sell her some after she looks for it. Have her bring a shoe box or something to use as the mold. Let her use your pot, scale, non-fungibles, etc.

As payment, have her take you out to lunch at a restaurant of your choosing.

By having her purchase her supplies, she will see that it requires an investment of money as well as time running around town. If she is unwilling to at least take you out to lunch, well, you will learn about her character and decide if she's someone you want as a friend.