911 Dispatch Humor

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Wax Munky

Well-Known Member
Dec 11, 2007
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The following exchanges are taken from transcripts of 911 calls.

Caller: "I'd like to make a unanimous complaint, so don't use my

Caller: "Is it okay for a civilian to take a person to the hospital,
or does the ambulance have to do it?"

Call-taker: "We'll need a description of him." Caller: "He's a

Complaint about a stolen mailbox: Call-taker: "What is your address?"
Caller: "It's gone.

Caller: "I'm reporting a deer on the road. I almost hit it." Call-
taker: "Is the deer alive?" Caller: "Oh, no, it's run over. Many,
many cars. Again and again, and - OH NO!!! NOT AGAIN!"

Caller: (irate) "That's 'W' as in Williams and 'Y' as in why."

Caller (on realizing the police are on the way): "Get the keg outta
here, dude!"

Caller: "We might (cough) need the fire department here (cough)."

Caller: "No, she just didn't fall...I helped her!"

Dispatcher: 911
Caller: Yeah, I'm having trouble breathing. I'm all out of breath. Darn….I think I'm going to pass out.
Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from?
Caller: I'm at a pay phone. North and Foster.
Dispatcher: ! Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic?
Caller: No
Dispatcher: What were you doing before you started having trouble breathing?
Caller: Running from the Police.

Dispatcher: 911 What's the nature of your emergency?
Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart
Dispatcher: Is this her first child?
Caller: No, you idiot! This is her husband!

Dispatcher: 911 What is the nature of your emergency?
Caller: I'm trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn't have an eleven on it.
Dispatcher: This is nine eleven.
Caller: I thought you just said it was nine-one-one
Dispatcher: Yes, ma'am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same thing.
Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I'm not stupid.

Munky. :shock:

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