Ums and Uhs and other strange things

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TeresaT

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I am with you on that one. I hate "ums" and "uhs". When my kids were little I stomped on that one and anytime as they grew up I would stop them if I heard the 3 letter ums. Neither grew up using the "ums" and "uhs" nro have either of granddaughters. (3 & :cool:

I did stick it through the video longer than you, but I do not see what is gained, it is much more trouble than cp in my opinion
I didn't want to hijack another thread, but this is also kind of funny. When I was in high school, my English teacher had a heavy wooden stick that he would SLAM on the desk when anyone would "um" or "uh" while they were talking. No fillers in his class. I literally cringe whenever I hear anyone using those because I expect to hear a loud bang, even after all these years. Another thing he would not tolerate was speaking with your hands. If you did that, he made you sit on them. I did a lot of hand sitting in his class room. A LOT of hand sitting.

I grew up in an Italian neighborhood in South Philadelphia, PA. We cannot speak without using our hands. The mouth doesn't work without the hands. The quickest way to get someone from South Philly to shut up is to tie up their hands. However, it was good for me, because I am able to speak (when necessary) without using my hands. And I almost never use filler words. I just stop speaking. Which lends for some awkward silences. Or I make lame jokes. Which can also be awkward.
 

Arimara

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I actually hate when people talk with their hands and are NOT signing. It confuses me to no end and I find it generally distracting. I have to rely on subtitles to help me understand what is being said on TV and movies without having the TV volume as high as 65 or so. It's a little hard to pay attention to people speaking if they use hand gestures when I constantly look for either signing or subtitles.
 

nsmar4211

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Ummmm so what you are hrmmmm saying is SAY IT ALREADY!??! :mrgreen:

Pet peeve...I do it myself sometimes but when I see professional speakers do it I want to shake them!

Realized recently one reason I don't look many people in the eye when they talk is because I'm too busy watching their hands.... whoops!
 

earlene

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I actually hate when people talk with their hands and are NOT signing. It confuses me to no end and I find it generally distracting. I have to rely on subtitles to help me understand what is being said on TV and movies without having the TV volume as high as 65 or so. It's a little hard to pay attention to people speaking if they use hand gestures when I constantly look for either signing or subtitles.
Or covering their mouths while talking. Or turning away from you/me or whoever it is they think should hear them and talk elsewhere (or into the wind.) Or start walking away while talking. All of these make it very hard for the hard of hearing. I have resolved to regard all who do that as having made a decision that they don't want me to hear them and that they are just not willing to have a conversation with me. It is very frustrating to explain how important it is for me to see their face while they speak and immediately thereafter, they talk into the wind with their head turned away from me and expect me to hear what they said. As far as I am concerned they did not say anything. They simply rudely walked away.

Even with very good hearing aids, I still need people to look at me when they talk so that I can better understand what is being said. Even then, with mumbling and slurred speech or rapid speech, or pour enunciation, I still have difficulty gathering what is being said. And talking with food in their mouth?! Forget about understanding what is being said.

Teresa, when I was in college I took a speech class in which we were videotaped while giving speeches. After speeches, the entire class would critique presentation as well as the content of the speech. However, watching the videotapes of ourselves was much more telling than anything our peers had to say. The 'ums', the 'ahs', the 'likes' and other repetitive filler words, as well as the idiosyncratic movements (swaying from one foot the other, excessive hand gestures, hair twirling, etc.) were sometimes a complete surprise to speech giver. And embarrassing!
 

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I had a speech teacher in college that cured me of the "uhs, ums, and ahs". She absolutely would not tolerate them. She would, however, tolerate a pause. And she INSISTED we gesture with our hands. She said it is more natural.

I now have problems being heard out when I pause. People think I am through talking, and they start talking. It is most annoying.

I have the same problem with people not looking at me when they are talking. My hearing is fine, my ability to filter a single voice out of background noise is not. I read lips most of the time, so if someone is not facing me, whatever they said is lost.

Unfortunately, I do talk with my hands. (I am Cajun, after all.) I learned ASL, but without having anyone to sign to, that is going the way of my college Spanish 101.
 

TeresaT

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Arimara & Earlene, good points, I never thought of that. As someone with no problems (yet) hearing, those things never occurred to me. I'm sure most other people are oblivious to these facts as well. Although, I have started watching movies and TV with the CC on because (1) my neighbors are very noisy (2) my dogs tend to bark at the noisy neighbors (3) I watch a lot of British TV and films & need the "translations."

Susie, I have that problem, too. I tend to pause in conversations to ponder the topic or digest what has been said and ponder what I want to say. I don't like to just babble on (which I tend to do when I'm nervous) and sound like an idiot. Unfortunately, people are not willing to put the time and effort into a conversation -- a true dialogue -- no one listens anymore, they're too busy figuring out what they're going to say next. This is particularly hard on someone with memory issues, ADHD and OCD.

I have trouble engaging in conversations unless it is something that is very interesting to me. It used to make my boss angry when I got the "glazed eye look" and she would complain about talking to herself. She though I was ignoring her and zoning out. Until she understood my brain and the way it works; then she'd reel me in when I got the glazed eye look. You can't talk AT me, you have to talk TO me. If you want me to pay attention to what you are saying, I have to be actively engaged. Meetings are horrid for me (as well as everyone else, I would imagine). But I can go to a meeting and retain nothing if I sit there with pen and paper in hand taking notes. Put some knitting in my hands or some markers and a coloring book, I'm golden. I can pay attention in the meeting, take notes and actually participate.

nsmar4211, Ha! Funny! A cop I knew when I lived in Dallas was originally from Northern New Jersey. They talk with their hands a lot there, too. (I guess it's a lot more common that I was lead to believe as a teenager.) Anyway, he was telling me that when he first moved to Dallas, he was having a conversation with someone and noticed the whole time the person kept moving around, ducking and dodging. He finally asked, "What the he-- are you doing?" His companion said, "Tryin' not to get hit!!" Apparently, the person was not used to someone talking with their hands. Another funny story from this same guy was when he was at a restaurant he asked the waitress if they had any "hard rolls" (meaning a Kaiser roll, which is a round roll of crusty-on-the-outside, soft-on-the-inside bread as any good Yankee would know). She indignantly responded, "No, sir! We only serve fresh rolls here." Oh, gosh. You can't get good bread, bagels or pretzels in the South. It is just impossible. It's the water. It's gotta be the water. I've tried baking bread and it's never as good as it was when I lived in Philly, even though I'm using the exact recipe and method. Definitely the water.
 

Dahila

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I have the same problem as earlene, hearing loss and I must see people face to understand, Add to it, that I am in English speaking country for 25 years, and came here in very ripe age. ;)) I hate when people move constantly their hands, my ex husband was driving me crazy with it. I hate mumbling or soft speaking, and people screaming at me when I say i am hard of hearing. What the heck:)) I am lip reader too. Movies without subtitles are difficult to take, but it must be a little bit of OCD, I must understand every word:)) .............no uhs or ums
I will pause like Susie
 

Susie

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Arimara & But I can go to a meeting and retain nothing if I sit there with pen and paper in hand taking notes. Put some knitting in my hands or some markers and a coloring book, I'm golden. I can pay attention in the meeting, take notes and actually participate.


I have the same issue, only with crochet. I can stay in the moment much better if I have the "subroutine" (hubby has Star Trek Voyager on Amazon Prime Video playing) of crocheting going. It just occupies the "Squirrel!" part of my mind. It isn't that I have ADD or anything, it is just that I always have something going on in the back of my mind. I am incapable of watching a movie or TV program and actually retaining any information if I don't have crochet or loom knitting in my hands.
 

Arimara

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I have the same problem as earlene, hearing loss and I must see people face to understand, Add to it, that I am in English speaking country for 25 years, and came here in very ripe age. ;)) I hate when people move constantly their hands, my ex husband was driving me crazy with it. I hate mumbling or soft speaking, and people screaming at me when I say i am hard of hearing. What the heck:)) I am lip reader too. Movies without subtitles are difficult to take, but it must be a little bit of OCD, I must understand every word:)) .............no uhs or ums
I will pause like Susie
Lol, I tend to be soft spoken until I get to know you (if you're lucky enough to get me talking). I have a hard time telling if I'm too loud or not and it's frustrating and embarrassing being told that I'm still loud when I think I lowered my voice. I wonder if voice lessons would help me out sometimes. Not so much hearing but learning about my vocal chords so that I can better control my volume.

Not sure I'm making sense... :think:
 

earlene

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Arimara, I 'hear' you. I don't know how loud I laugh. I love laughing. My granddaughter used to tell me she loves my laugh. But now she seems to get embarrassed that I am laughing too loud when we are in restaurants or somewhere in public. I don't know if it's me (is my laugh louder than it used to be?) or her (she is now a teen-ager, so that could be part of it.)

My husband whispers to me when we are in public and doesn't want others to hear. But I simply cannot hear a whisper at all. And apparently he cannot whisper louder without fear of being overheard. If I whisper I have no idea if it's really a whisper or not. So whispered conversations are out.
 

Arimara

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Arimara, I 'hear' you. I don't know how loud I laugh. I love laughing. My granddaughter used to tell me she loves my laugh. But now she seems to get embarrassed that I am laughing too loud when we are in restaurants or somewhere in public. I don't know if it's me (is my laugh louder than it used to be?) or her (she is now a teen-ager, so that could be part of it.)

My husband whispers to me when we are in public and doesn't want others to hear. But I simply cannot hear a whisper at all. And apparently he cannot whisper louder without fear of being overheard. If I whisper I have no idea if it's really a whisper or not. So whispered conversations are out.
Ugh, teens are so obnoxious (Yea, I said it). Sooner or later, she'll stop caring about what other people think or say. I had that kind of confidence until I was in college and then depression sucked the life out of me.

I guess that struck a nerve on a level. You could mildly hint that she won't always get the be graced by your laugh (she won't know what it means for a while I hope) and that life is too short not to boisterously mock it from time to time. In short, be courageous and laugh, even if you're a little loud. Better for someone to see you're enjoying a moment that not.
 

fuzz-juzz

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I'm guilty of ums and uhs, I try but it's really hard sometimes to find right words or phrases to say.
And I must be really annoying to talk to. :D

I'm for one from non-English speaking background, my English is excellent, accent as well, but when I'm tired or when I have a long day, everything just switches off and I sound like the day I arrived in Australia.
I also battle fatigue and other health issues, my brain is foggy lots of the time. I get tired really easily. My family is already gotten used to it, when I get stuck with a word I just point or go around explaining what I meant to say. I also start to mumble when I'm really tired. It happens at work a lot towards the end of the shift, nurse in charge the other day looked really annoyed at me haha.
 

TeresaT

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I'm guilty of ums and uhs, I try but it's really hard sometimes to find right words or phrases to say.
And I must be really annoying to talk to. :D

I'm for one from non-English speaking background, my English is excellent, accent as well, but when I'm tired or when I have a long day, everything just switches off and I sound like the day I arrived in Australia.
I also battle fatigue and other health issues, my brain is foggy lots of the time. I get tired really easily. My family is already gotten used to it, when I get stuck with a word I just point or go around explaining what I meant to say. I also start to mumble when I'm really tired. It happens at work a lot towards the end of the shift, nurse in charge the other day looked really annoyed at me haha.
Brain fog! I know exactly what you're talking about. I tend to describe things because I've lost the word. It's much worse when I'm tired. The more tired I am the more words I forget. My friends and family have learned to finish my sentences and supply words for me. It was extremely embarrassing when it first started happening, because I always had a strong vocabulary and excellent memory, but now it's my normal. I do better with the written word because I can take my time and formulate my thoughts. Conversations tend to frighten me, especially when I'm in a strange or new environment.
 

earlene

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Anomic aphasia can be a symptom of a treatable condition. It's worth getting evaluated by a doctor and having some blood work done to rule out a deficiency. It is also quite common in early (pre-diagnosed) dementia. I am not saying everyone who seeks words has dementia, but having seen the ravages of dementia, it would give me cause for concern.
 

TeresaT

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Mine is caused by a combination of Sjogren's Syndrome and some medication I'm on to prevent migraines. The dosage was lowered and I'm not as bad now; but when I have a Sjogren's flair up, I'm an idiot.

ETA: when it first started happening, I was terrified that I had early onset Alzheimer's or dementia of some other kind. Fortunately, not the case at all. Regular appointments with a neuro keep it in check.
 
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earlene

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Teresa, SJS was actually one of the diagnoses that came to mind when I read your post. I am flabbergasted to read that you do actually have it. But then maybe somewhere in the annals of my mind, I already knew that from one of your previous posts and just didn't consciously recall you previously mentioning it. That's probably it, as I am by no means qualified to diagnose anybody!
 

Susie

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But brain fog happens to people that do not have dementia. Fibromyalgia, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, and good old post-menopausal misery are all valid causes of brain fog. OH, and when they all get together, then you get to describe your way around that ONE MISERABLE WORD THAT IS ON THE TIP OF YOUR TONGUE!
 

dibbles

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But brain fog happens to people that do not have dementia. Fibromyalgia, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, and good old post-menopausal misery are all valid causes of brain fog. OH, and when they all get together, then you get to describe your way around that ONE MISERABLE WORD THAT IS ON THE TIP OF YOUR TONGUE!
This. So this.
 

dibbles

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So, back to the hearing issues. My husband has pretty profound hearing loss. Before he got hearing aids, our daily conversations consisted of me saying something to him. Answered by "what?" Repeat what I said, a little louder. Answered by "what?". Repeat again, a little louder. Him guessing what I said. Wrong. Repeat what I said, still louder. Wrong again. Repeat again, louder still. Answered by "you don't have to yell at me!!". Or he would think he understood what I said, and later I'd get "but you said..." I couldn't win. Hearing aids have improved life around here immensely.

After he started wearing hearing aids, he was astounded by what he previously couldn't hear - the jingle of the dog's collar, how loud the tree frogs are in the spring, the timer on the oven or the coffee pot beeping. And yes, he was one of 'those guys' that drove with his turn signal on because he couldn't hear it clicking if it didn't go off by itself.
 

Steve85569

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I was a heavy equipment operator for enough years that not only do I have "some " hearing loss I also have "floaties" in my vision from having pigment knocked out of place. Too many ums and uhs and the Squirrel! part of my brain takes over. I'm fairly sure it's not adult ADD.

What were we chatting about again?
 
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