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The Psychology of Positivity (A thread for Ian to vent)

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IanT

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Alright, this is my Psychology...My lady and I are nowhere even close to the same ideology about how to live life (also the reason this thread is being birthed...)

...I (as Id bet most on this forum have noticed) am an extremely positive individual...if someone where to ask my religion, Im a soldier for positivity...I believe in keeping an upful mind, no matter what you face even though the world sometimes throws you curveballs and unexpected turns, I take the stumbling blocks and turn them into stepstools to help me reach that hidden volume of a book I cant reach waaay on the top shelf, I believe in respecting all things, living or innanimate and I take a lot of beliefs and values from the Native Americans, whom I respect as one of my spiritual energy sources (not trying to get cosmic on you...but I believe in reincarnation, and I believe I am an Old Spirit...I know it, its more than a belief, its something I just feel...and know its true, somewhere along the line Im sure I was a Native American)...

...I let intuition guide me, I feel my connection to the Earth is quite close...I feel the energy of the Earth beneath my feet and its almost a tangible sensation..I feel my spiritual energy just as strong, this energy and intuition guides me...as well as my brain as I tend to think through all situations on my feet, I am confident nearly anywhere, I know that I am safe because I dont put myself in situations that are dangerous and I avoid those which could turn in to such (fight or flight as I believe Darwin said or someone else...excapes memory?). I dont care where I am from the slums of Kingston, to Rodeo drive I know unless I do something stupid Ill live through most situations, every dog has its day but I dont think mine will end in a negative way...Its just a feeling, a reassurance from my soul...and should it be my day and things not go as planned, I accept fate as it comes because thats the way things were set to be....I feel that I can control life experiences but I think my destiny may be set, because I feel it comes from my soul...I feel that my lifes work is to be able to access my soul in its totality, learn its depths and unify my body and soul and consciousness with the world...My lifes work is to achieve my destiny and find what I was put here in this life for, and borne of these specific parents for, what did they teach me and how can I merge their concepts, morals and philosophy into one and add my own pieces to it?.....This is what I strive to achieve, and I remain upfull and positive all the while no matter what the circumstance, though I may have my days you cant change the convictions of the heart, clouds clear because they are burned away by the fire of the soul, and I feel I am just a candle lit from the eternal sun.

...I am inconsequential in the scheme of things and scale of the Earth, though I know my works will carry on to many people and my voice will be heard...I am still inconsequential because I am so small compared to such a large world out there...But I know I was put here for a purpose and I feel that by entering situations and driving for positive outcomes, or turning the negative into a positive experience...I cannot lose..

I could keep going and going but I think you get the picture...


Now my girl on the other hand feels everyone is out to get you (and I dont disagree that there are many of these types...its just being conscious of them and how to deal with them that matters...) She gets so worried and defensive of my position almost to where I feel she attacks me when I enter into situaitons with such positive light and mindset ( I dont really set expectations for the most part...I just take it as it comes... and hence I never have a bar that wasnt met and such...if something doesnt fit in with what I want to be a part of I dont pursue it)...She just cant understand my mentality, and I know it was because of where she was raised and how and such... (Bronx, NY) she takes more of a pessimistic view on things as opposed to me where I try to take the most optimisitc view I can...I understand that she doesnt understand my view on things...so its kind of one of those agree to disagree situations but it still irks me and its like Im having a hard time dealing with that....ayeee...

Im going to do what I want to do and no one can change my mind :)
 

Tabitha

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My husband & I are different in a lot of ways.

For instance, he is begging to have trouble seeing close up (but can see great a million miles off) where as I am begining to have trouble seeing at great distances but can read the fime print on anything. Beween the 2 of us, working together, we have one very good pair of eyes. Now while this may be a physical difference example, the same could be said for spiritual diffeences.

Being with your opposite can keep you from going off the deep end. Rather than you floating around WAY out in left field she may bring you back centered and you may keep her from floating WAY off into right field.

Than again, if she is constantly popping your ballons...
 

IanT

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Tabitha said:
My husband & I are different in a lot of ways.

For instance, he is begging to have trouble seeing close up (but can see great a million miles off) where as I am begining to have trouble seeing at great distances but can read the fime print on anything. Beween the 2 of us, working together, we have one very good pair of eyes. Now while this may be a physical difference example, the same could be said for spiritual diffeences.

Being with your opposite can keep you from going off the deep end. Rather than you floating around WAY out in left field she may bring you back centered and you may keep her from floating WAY off into right field.

Than again, if she is constantly popping your ballons...
\


this is quite true.....I mean usually, shes pretty supportive, and I appreciate that, and I do appreciate the times shes worried too...because I know she cares, I just hate having my balloons popped..... especially when I gotta do what I need to do and she has a problem with something in the mix...I still trod on, and do take her worry into account but I am my own person at the same time...I guess its just trying to find that middle ground, but it would be nice to be with someone who shares that type of positive insight or connection with the world ...know what im saying??
 

Lane

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Wowee. *hug*

My husband and I are polar. complete opposites. Ten years ago when we met, I was massively aggressive and he was mousy and passive. Just like Tab mentioned, we balanced each other out. It took ten years... and it worked. He showed me that not everyone is out to get you. Him being much like you. I, being much like your girl. I can honestly say, there were times where I was flat out cruel...because well, that's how I expected people to be...

He showed me how to be happy, friendly, caring, quirky..basically not a stubborn b*tch.

Maybe your girl is conflicted because you show her that it is possible to thrive on happiness and a higher power. It is possible to make yourself vulnerable, to expect that good will come from chance...You are proof of it! For some, that's scary because it means that on some scale, they are wrong for thinking everyone/thing/situation will develop into something bad.

Pain is inevitable. Misery is a choice.

I'm a recovering pessimistic, and I can honestly say without a single doubt, CHOOSING to be happy is one of the most empowering feelings ever. :D

I doubt any of that solves anything for you... But, hey somehow it might help. ♥
 

IanT

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Lane said:
Wowee. *hug*

My husband and I are polar. complete opposites. Ten years ago when we met, I was massively aggressive and he was mousy and passive. Just like Tab mentioned, we balanced each other out. It took ten years... and it worked. He showed me that not everyone is out to get you. Him being much like you. I, being much like your girl. I can honestly say, there were times where I was flat out cruel...because well, that's how I expected people to be...

He showed me how to be happy, friendly, caring, quirky..basically not a stubborn b*tch.

Maybe your girl is conflicted because you show her that it is possible to thrive on happiness and a higher power. It is possible to make yourself vulnerable, to expect that good will come from chance...You are proof of it! For some, that's scary because it means that on some scale, they are wrong for thinking everyone/thing/situation will develop into something bad.

Pain is inevitable. Misery is a choice.

I'm a recovering pessimistic, and I can honestly say without a single doubt, CHOOSING to be happy is one of the most empowering feelings ever. :D

I doubt any of that solves anything for you... But, hey somehow it might help. ♥
I appreciate the positive words Lane, definitely gives me more of an inside perspective on the situation and yes it does help....I feel like I want to show her to the positive side of things and how to open herself up more but i dont quite know how... I love her for sure, and shes a great and virtuous woman which from my travels I know is hard to find...so I dont want to just end things, I want to work through them but I need to learn how to work through this one with helpful insight like your own and tab's :)

Thank you!
 

agriffin

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Lane said:
Wowee. *hug*

My husband and I are polar. complete opposites. Ten years ago when we met, I was massively aggressive and he was mousy and passive. Just like Tab mentioned, we balanced each other out. It took ten years... and it worked. He showed me that not everyone is out to get you. Him being much like you. I, being much like your girl. I can honestly say, there were times where I was flat out cruel...because well, that's how I expected people to be...

He showed me how to be happy, friendly, caring, quirky..basically not a stubborn b*tch.

Maybe your girl is conflicted because you show her that it is possible to thrive on happiness and a higher power. It is possible to make yourself vulnerable, to expect that good will come from chance...You are proof of it! For some, that's scary because it means that on some scale, they are wrong for thinking everyone/thing/situation will develop into something bad.

Pain is inevitable. Misery is a choice.

I'm a recovering pessimistic, and I can honestly say without a single doubt, CHOOSING to be happy is one of the most empowering feelings ever. :D

I doubt any of that solves anything for you... But, hey somehow it might help. ♥
Wow. This is a really old thread...but it really struck me. Lol, I was searching for a supplier and it came up.

These are things I am REALLY trying to teach my guy. Especially that happiness is a choice and that you can't rely on people to make you happy (his family) or you'll be sorely disapointed. He had a rough childhood. Sigh...how funny that I found this.

Ian, me and you are twins. Lol.
 

BakingNana

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agriffin said:
Wow. This is a really old thread...but it really struck me. Lol, I was searching for a supplier and it came up.

These are things I am REALLY trying to teach my guy. Especially that happiness is a choice and that you can't rely on people to make you happy (his family) or you'll be sorely disapointed. He had a rough childhood. Sigh...how funny that I found this.
Glad you added to this thread or I wouldn't have seen it. I've been dealing with the same thing with my sister for the past 8 years. She went through a bitter divorce and came out the other side sounding exactly like your girl, Ian. It's only been in the past year that I've been able to convince her Karma is real. She's finally seeing it, and not with her ex-husband but in everything else around her. She's been noticeably calmer ever since. She has peace in her life FINALLY! I think you just have to live the example and hope other people benefit in some way.
 

IanT

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lol I have to tell you first how surprised I am that this thread popped up!!

:) so me n you are twins Amanda :)


Its actually quite amazing the changes that have happened in the past year; seeing where my relationship was back then, and yeah we went through some rocky times, we even went to a few sessions of couples therapy (some say corny...but sheeeeet... was worth the money!)...

Anyhoo..... Her ideologies are largely the same, but like a flower shes been blooming over the course of our relationship, and its really magnificent to experience her the way I am now, Its like she has much more confidence in our relationship, which I think overflows into her daily life as now that she feels she has a strong foundation to work off of she feels more confident all the time, not just when around me...(I think my optimistic view is slowly working its way into her personality/daily life by osmosis).... its kinda cute really, I mean for instance... and this is just something small... Id compliment her a few years back (weve been together for SIX years now.... woooooooAHHHH ) lol...Id be like baby you are so beautiful and shed be all like nooooo Im really not.... Now... shes like **** right I am friggin HOTTTT... (which makes me smiiiiiiile :) )


Im like dammmmn right you gooooooooooOOO girl :)

Love that woman madly :)

Its amazing how things have shifted too, like I used to cook for us all the time and shed literally cook for us like once in a blue moon... now its the complete opposite, (again the confidence thing...shes more confident in her cooking... as evident in her experimenting with different things in the kitchen and stuff)

Its like I cant even get a chance to cook as much as I want to anymore ! lol...

we've been talking about future plans and what we want out of life, and I think yeah we need to make some compromises on things; she knows I need to live near water or I go berserk... The ocean is a lifestyle for me (and I literally feel like Im in prison living inland in Orlando right now, with 1.5 hrs and $35 including tolls in between me and a good fish or surf session...)

Im just so happy with where we are at and I want this to be a testament to everyone out there who may be unsure in their relationship; about whether itll work or if your meant for eachother or all those other things you could doubt about your relationship...DO NOT let outside opinions influence your relationship (I was fighting against this for a while) ....communication is probably the single most important factor in a relationships' strength and success.... and even when you are in rocky times ... If you really feel that this person is who makes you happy... stick it out, its really worth it.... I have learned so much about relationships that I didnt even know existed (and as a Psychology grad, yeah I though I knew pretty **** near everything about the mind and socialization and all that jazz)

.... simply put...


Awesome...


Thats my [ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t7Leqoe5O-w]Sunshine Girl[/ame]...
 

ilove2soap

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My hubby and I are a lot like you and your lady only in reverse. I am the positive, happy go lucky one while my man is always looking for the potential danger/threat in any situation or person. I think it may be that he is the son of a police officer and has heard from birth about all the bad in the world. I try not to let it effect him too much by reminding him daily how blessed he has been in his life. It also helps to avoid watching the news...if you look for the bad, you usually have no trouble finding it. Wish you all the best with your relationship and I am glad that you accept and love her for all the things that make her who she is. Maybe if you ever have children together they will be "cautiously optomistic" :lol:
 

Chay

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Ian, I am so glad to hear you and your lady are still together and happy. My views on life, earth & energy and divinity are right out there with yours and I married a hardcore Republican and Catholic. Things occasionally get "interesting" at our house but we work it out. He celebrates the Winter Solstice with me and I celebrate Christmas with him, he joins me in meditation and I join him in prayer, and so on...
I completely agree with you on persevering through the tough times and communication being the key. In the end it makes your bond together so much stronger.

How's the massage business these days?
 

Lindy

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Iam thank you for the update - I too believe that together you balance each other and allowing yourselves the room to grow has worked so well for you......

Hugs my friend...
 

IanT

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Glad everyone could read this and gain some insight :)

I wear my heart on my sleeve :) I think its a strength :)


.... Massage biz has been doing okay, Ive been working at a rehab clinic which is kinda like a revolving door...its hourly though, so i get paid regardless of how many clients we see, which is good for now... I really want to build my own clientele up but still having trouble getting started as Im just so drained after I get out of work that I dont feel like pursuing anything except a steak and my bed... lol...

I literally have been doing 10-15 massages every day... tired hands!.... theyre only like 10 mins a piece but its still a lot of energy to put out in one day!... I am needing some bodywork right now so baaaaaaad my piriformis is very angry at me for the last 2 days (which have been exceptionally busy)


Body mechanics is a constant struggle for suuuuuure! :)


What about you ? hows the mx biz your way?
 
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