My newbie soaping adventure and things I've learned along the way...

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gigisiguenza

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1) Animals are spawns of the soap gremlins -
No matter where you put the cat when making soap, she will pull a Houdini and get out, fully focused on getting revenge by trying a) to trip you when carrying lye solution, b) attacking SB cords so they fall over and splatter raw batter everywhere, and/or c) biting your ankle to get attention at the exact moment you are pouring a delicate swirl. And before you suggest putting them in a crate, save your breath. The gremlins have spelled the latches so that the slightest swat of a furry paw will cause the door to fall off like Superman charging through the vault door to save Louise Lane.

2) Your FOs are cursed -
It doesn't matter how much research you do, what the website says, or what every single other soaper has told you their experience has been, your FO will accelerate trace, rice, discolor, and or cause overheating. I blame this on the trickery of the soap gremlins again, because they put some kinda bad mojo on your FOs as soon as you decide you're going to use it. I may counter this attack by doing the Eeny Meeny Miney Mo method from now on. I'll let ya know how that goes.

3) Accept that you are colorblind -
You can plan til your eyes bleed, measure to a 9 point decimal of a fraction, and even use a tried and true method from a soaper who's been doing that method since God was in knickers, and your colors will never look like you thought they would. You want lavender? You'll get grey blue. Had your heart set on a lovely pink? Be grateful you got a shade of burnt beets that isn't too hideous. I've come to realize that as soon as lye solution hits fatty acids, the color receptors in your eyes turn off and you're pretty much winging it. So just accept it when your friends say it's gorgeous, because you can't tell what it looks like anyway.

4) Your friends will question your sanity and stop inviting you to dinner -
Since you're now obsessed with soap, every topic somehow leads back to it. A simple discussion about the Dahli Lama will rapidly become an excited discourse on the 900 ways the turmeric in tiki masala can be used to color soap. This will quickly be followed by an eager request to view their spice cabinet and pantry, which may or may not result in some haggling with the host as you plea with them to let you trade a kidney for just a pinch of their exotic hoozitwhachamacallit powder they brought back with them from their trip abroad. Their new stainless steel cookware isn't safe either, but they don't need to know that.

5) You no longer have friends, you have addicts needing a soapy fix -
People used to call you up to go out for a drink, play some scrabble, or eat lunch. Now they call to ask when the latest batch will be cured and how soon can they get a "tester bar". This can be a good thing if you use it to your advantage, as soap is a good bribe. You'd be surprised what the average friend will do to get a bar of iguana's milk, organic martian honey, venusian oatmeal soap sculpted into a unicorn farting rainbow sprinkles.

6) Your fate is sealed -
Because there is no such thing as too much soap (a laughable concept, I know), you're very likely going to die financially destitute, surrounded by mountains of soaps and supplies, and the coroner will rule your demise the result of an accident caused by the gremlin controlled cat knocking over a precariously leaning tower of wooden molds.

Your family will tsk tsk and say they shoulda seen it coming after they found you scent drunk, sleeping on a pile of empty FO bottles again. Your friends will lament your passing and say beautiful things about your soaps at the funeral. And it will be SRO at the reading of the will as everyone waits with baited breath to learn who will inherit your prized stash of discontinued FO dupes. Oh, and they'll all be floored when the attorney announces that it was YOU who successfully trademarked the words "all natural", thereby causing the Great Soap War of 2025.

Gigi :)
 

regansoap

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Ha ha ha that's so funny gigi I don't have a cat but two dogs just as bad - running off with my silicone moulds etc., I really enjoyed reading that and everything you say is just so true x
 

penelopejane

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7) You are the only one who can rejoice when your local supermarket reduces the price of 3 litres of Rice Bran Oil by 50% because you, unlike anyone else can use 9 litres before it goes off.

8.) You spend a weekend buying ingredients and infusing oil with natural products only to be told by experienced soapers that the colours will fade and you are still not deterred.

9) You spend all your allocated spending money for 3 months on soap supplies to provide your family with a motley collection of practice soaps.

10) You tell your DH you have to have two ovens. One to keep your soap warm so it will gell and one to cook dinner in. If you only have one oven it's salad and cold meat for dinner on soaping night, regardless of the weather.

11) You spend all your spare time trawling through Soapmaking forum gleaning soap making tips, gazing longingly at photos of other people's creations and watching soap making videos.

12) You can't walk past your soap store without checking that your little ones are progressing as they should. Addicted? Nah, I don't think so. :crazy:
 
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gigisiguenza

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7) You are the only one who can rejoice when your local supermarket reduces the price of 3 litres of Rice Bran Oil by 50% because you, unlike anyone else can use 9 litres before it goes off.

8.) You spend a weekend buying ingredients and infusing oil with natural products only to be told by experienced soapers that the colours will fade and you are still not deterred.

9) You spend all your allocated spending money for 3 months on soap supplies to provide your family with a motley collection of practice soaps.

10) You tell your DH you have to have two ovens. One to keep your soap warm so it will gell and one to cook dinner in. If you only have one oven it's salad and cold meat for dinner on soaping night, regardless of the weather.

11) You spend all your spare time trawling through Soapmaking forum gleaning soap making tips, gazing longingly at photos of other people's creations and watching soap making videos.

12) You can't walk past your soap store without checking that your little ones are progressing as they should. Addicted? Nah, I don't think so. :crazy:
Hahahahaha all true
 

afbrat

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Oh my goodness! I just got some very funny looks from my kids as I was laughing so hard at your post! When they asked what I was laughing at, I got the mom's lost her mind again look
 

nsmar4211

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13) Speaking of the gremlin cat, even though the cats have never been NEAR the lye pitcher you will be forced to examine it every pour or else you might be patenting the new "all natural keratin enhanced" soap formula.
 

Seawolfe

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I stopped worrying about this since I realized that cat hair and silk are both proteins and work just fine in the lye water :)

14) You have threatened a family member with bodily harm for trying to make a sandwich or a drink while in your "soaping space". I actually accused my husband of ruining my gradient....

13) Speaking of the gremlin cat, even though the cats have never been NEAR the lye pitcher you will be forced to examine it every pour or else you might be patenting the new "all natural keratin enhanced" soap formula.
 

jules92207

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Lol - I'm sensing a new thread addiction...
 

penelopejane

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16) You enviously eye your soaping spatula when you realise it is better than your kitchen one. But science teacher DH says you can wash the soaping one in the dishwasher but not use it for food. Sigh.

17) You are considering devious ways to stretch your soaping budget by buying ingredients from the supermarket on shopping day as they are "just groceries".
 

gigisiguenza

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18 ) Darned if you do and darned if you don't -
If you put the mold in the fridge to prevent gel, you are guaranteed to be struck with a bout of spontaneous exhaustion that results in forgetting the mold for a millennium, thereby creating brittle, unusable soap. You will, of course, bury said soap in the bottom of the trash bin, hoping no one ever sees its splintered pitiful self. The resulting soap will be dug up by a future archeological team, declared a rare example of petrified pot roast (or perhaps pea soup) and put on display at museums, where children will marvel at the quality of workmanship of craftsmen of old.
 

nsmar4211

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20) When testing new fragrance oils, the WORST smelling fragrance oil will be the one that spills on your fingers. Every. Time. And you will lose three layers of skin using your freshly cured Super Scrub soap to remove it because your nose will swear it is still there.
 

MrsSpaceship

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21) That the moment you begin to work with the lye, your skin will inevitably begin to itch and prickle, leading you to wonder if you've inadvertently splashed yourself and need to rinse.

22) Your nose faucet will begin to burn, and you feel the itch that even though you were fine not five minutes before spells an inevitable snot fest. You sniff and snuff, but every passing moment brings the drips closer to escaping the confines of your nose, until finally, now that you're elbows deep in what you're certain will be your best swirl ever, the law of gravity reigns supreme and a trickle makes it's way towards your lip. Rather than risking soap on a stick you utilize a sleeve.:sick: Add the watery eyes from the nose burn, and your family will look concerned and ask why you're crying.
 

penelopejane

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23) You desperately try to reassure DH that the current $3.62 cost per bar of soap you have produced will eventually be reduced to below the cost of a bar of commercial soap (62c) because start up and material costs have to be spread out over years and years. There goes the idea of a lovely wire cutter.
 

CTAnton

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24. You go to a party and people ask what you've been up to. You whip out your phone and start showing pictures of your creations to glazed over eyes.
25. Every time you go to a grocery store you turn into the oils aisle to check and see if their oils on sale beat the cost of said oil at Costco.
 
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