Experience traveling on Greyhound

[Steve85569]

Please keep us posted on progress. There may be more donations available than are already pledged.


"when you do this for the least of these..."

 

[lenarenee]

Just FYI for your own future information - there's something called Traveler's aid in some large cities, and also an International travelers aid which is a collection of resources.

The one in San Diego requires you be physically in San Diego. I'm waiting to hear if that means county or city. Doubtful they'll be of help though as they expect you to work 13 hours for help compensate for tickets and neither woman is capable of that. Maybe they'll forgo that though...we'll see.

Its a worthy charity; San Diego has lots of military personnel dropped off after the end of their service, or tour, and they're told to find their own way home.
For lack of transportation money to their home or new jobs they often end up on the streets.

Oh how I wish I were a trillionaire.

 

[dibbles]

Blessings on you lenarenee. Your kindness is inspiring.

 

[artemis]

Have you tried contacting a local church? Our deacon board has a committee that focuses solely on helping people, including people who are not part of our congregation. If you have a friend who is a member of a church, perhaps they could introduce you to the right people there?

 

[Soapmaker145]

I am not on FaceBook, I like my privacy. I do have a good friend in Florida who is very experienced with it, but....how would that help?

I'm with you on the privacy issue. I've always avoided social media like the plague. May be your friend can give you some advice.

We had a case locally of an elderly man who was attacked to steal few dollars. A young guy in the community wanted to raise some money to help him. He ended up raising 300X what he was looking for in few days but the case was publicized on the local TV and I live in a large city. It may be harder to raise money for homeless people with disability but you only need a little. Sadly, it is probably easier to raise money for the dogs.

Having 5 dogs is difficult. I wonder if you can convince them to give up 3 to the local humane society because it would be less stressful for the dogs.

I thought of one more place to call: the Autism Society in San Diego (Website: www.autismsocietysandiego.org). There is also a branch in Reno. Look also at the local cancer societies. They often arrange transportation for people in need of treatment. The daughter might qualify.

I wonder if the companion who left without them would consider coming back for them if the cost of the trip is paid for? It is worth asking. This will be the simplest and cheapest option. We could help you raise the money quickly for it. I'm sure it wasn't easy to leave them behind like that knowing the terrible situation they would be in.

 

[BeesKnees]

I am not on FaceBook, I like my privacy. I do have a good friend in Florida who is very experienced with it, but....how would that help?

I don't think anyone responded to this question. On FB it's easy to make a post telling people about the situation, maybe posting a picture of the people to show that they are real people and garner more sympathy than simply reading words on a screen. Then you say people can donate through paypal or through a fund-raising website like gofundme.com or youcaring.com and make it where it's shareable so that everyone who sees it on FB can share it. Twenty people donating $20 would get you more than enough for the tickets, although not enough for motels and food. If you have 200 friends on FB, you would have a better chance at the numbers game of reaching people than without it. I totally understand your not being on it, though. I like my privacy so I don't post much on it and have tight limits on who can see my page or my posts.

 

[BeesKnees]

Also, I didn't see this addressed, but you said Greyhound requires proof of a place to stay in Reno. Could the Reno social worker, with whom the daughter has apparently also had a case with, fax a letter saying that they have a place to stay? Perhaps Greyhound would accept that.

And then there is the question of if the hotel is holding their Reno room without their being there to pay for it? Maybe I misunderstood and they aren't living in a motel in Reno too? I hope that's the case.

Bless you for trying to help them. Are they competent on their own, do you think, or do they need legal guardians?

 

[dixiedragon]

Okay, I'm going to be cynical here. These people are a mess. Basically you have 1 semi-competent adult, 1 incompetent adult, and 5 dogs. (Poor dogs.) Their behavior was SO problematic that the last Good Samaritan who tried to help them out ditched them a thousand miles from "home"? I say home b/c apparently they don't have a home, apartment, whatever, to go to? Honestly, this situation screams addiction or criminality to me. Keep your guard up. Don't let yourself get carried away by your empathy.

This funeral think smells fishy to me. They came to the grandmother's funeral, I assume the mom's mother? Their companion ditched them...and NOBODY else in the area is able to take them in few a week or so, or spot them some money to get home?

I'm going to say it. These people are trouble. There is something off with this situation. Before you let them step foot in your home, Google tenant's rights in your area. In some areas, all it takes is somebody spending 1 night and having a toothbrush there.

I would qualify the mother in this situation as neglectful to the point of abusive. Her daughter and dogs can't care for themselves, so she drags them on a cross-country trip with no money, no place to stay and no transportation?

RED FLAGS.

 

[BattleGnome]

RED FLAGS.

As many red flags as there are, I work with adults who have developmental disabilities and the logic of the situation seems on par with the people I work with. That's part of the reason I suggested DHS.

My guess is the mother has some issue that is undiagnosed. I couldn't tell you if it's an illness, disability, or injury. At the same time she could be (excuse the bluntness) a functional idiot. I've dealt with those because of work too.

An example of the level of non-logic my coworker has had to work through recently (names changed of course):
"John wants to meet me under the water tower to have sex."
"Who's John?"
"John raped me and gave me herpes last year"
"I thought you said that was Bill"
"John is Bill's brother. Can we go after lunch?"

This person's entire family and most of their friends function on this logic but this person is the only one with any diagnosis.

As iffy as it seems and as much trouble as they bring, it is possible this is a legit situation.

 

[CaraBou]

Hate to say it but Dixie is basically right. If they don't have a home in Reno, they are homeless. It doesn't matter if they are mentally disabled -- you aren't going to fix any of that, and shipping them to Reno is not a solution. It's an awful reality despite your incredible compassion.

"Someone has snapped a photo and turned the mother into to the police for panhandling, so now she scared of being arrest. She won't be out trying to make money tomorrow, so after tomorrow night there will be no more funds for the motel."

That sounds a little like a scam -- or paranoia/mental problems like BattleGnome suggested. Who turns in panhandlers, and even if they did, is it common for cops to arrest them? My experience in other places is that no one bothers -- there are just too many higher priorities.

I hope we're wrong and they just need a little boost. My offer stands in that case, but unfortunately it is not looking likely.

 

[dixiedragon]

Even if BattleGnome is right and these people are being truthful (as they can be) and are struggling with some kind of condition vs being scam artists - they are still trouble. I'm not saying ignore them by any means. But look before you leap. In my humble opinion, this is not a situation solved by the "kindness of strangers". This looks like a situation that requires serious, professional intervention.

Is she willing to give up the dogs? You may have some luck with rescue groups, and then once there are only 2 people, vs 2 people and 5 dogs, you options for getting them home open up considerably.

 

[lenarenee]

Okay, I'm going to be cynical here. These people are a mess. Basically you have 1 semi-competent adult, 1 incompetent adult, and 5 dogs. (Poor dogs.) Their behavior was SO problematic that the last Good Samaritan who tried to help them out ditched them a thousand miles from "home"? I say home b/c apparently they don't have a home, apartment, whatever, to go to? Honestly, this situation screams addiction or criminality to me. Keep your guard up. Don't let yourself get carried away by your empathy.

This funeral think smells fishy to me. They came to the grandmother's funeral, I assume the mom's mother? Their companion ditched them...and NOBODY else in the area is able to take them in few a week or so, or spot them some money to get home?

I'm going to say it. These people are trouble. There is something off with this situation. Before you let them step foot in your home, Google tenant's rights in your area. In some areas, all it takes is somebody spending 1 night and having a toothbrush there.

I would qualify the mother in this situation as neglectful to the point of abusive. Her daughter and dogs can't care for themselves, so she drags them on a cross-country trip with no money, no place to stay and no transportation?

RED FLAGS.

Don't worry - they are and will not be staying at our house and thanks so much for your concern.

And the picture you painted isn't accurate. And I was a little cynical myself, but continued to investigate. I have plenty of proof of their authenticity. I've been privy (due to getting their papers and ID's in order for talking with social services/others) their stories are true and verifiable.

The dogs are not neglected and a vet has verified that recently. Neither adult is incompetent - as in unable to care for themselves. They are very stressed, malnourished and overwhelmed. Their ability to function as proficiently as you and I, is affected by that and their slightly less than average intelligence. These are not faults of their own. The daughter was living on her own and also held jobs until her multiple courses of cancer took their toll.


Even the secretary of the church (Got to meet with a pastor from my church)
shook her head and said. "Isn't it amazing how these people ruin their lives?
Because she was the one handing over an envelope of pocket money and certificates for food, I kept my mouth shut.

But I will say this: These people got here because they were born into poverty. They had a happy, small, simple life - built up some savings and a 401K, until Lena's husband was murdered. The autistic daughter, in an educational program was sexually abused and intimated by someone in authority. The house they owned was severely damaged by a hurricane. They rebuilt - having to use much of their savings to cover what insurance wouldn't. A second hurricane happened years later. End of house.
Then Tonya's first round of cancer. It was caught early and put in remission for several years....but the treatment increases the chance of other cancers and guess what? More cancer.

Lena's ulcer ruptured 3 months ago. She died for 2 minutes. Her daughter interrupted her treatment to come care for her while she recuperated - 2 months of bedrest and therapy. I've seen the fresh, bright pink scar.

The grandmother was fulfilling her dream of taking a vacation of the southwest US, where her ancestors founded some Podunk little town. She had a heart attack, died in the hospital. Lena and Tonya were desperate to get there in time to say goodbye, but didn't. They were abandoned, and robbed. Yes, there is as police report.

It's been a very traumatic life. Friends and family are quick to desert people in their time of suffering. They haven't felt loved or supported for a decade.

Want to know how our meeting with the Pastor went? How a woman who is told the church will pay for their immediate care and travel, and team up with me to hook her up with social, financial, supportive services and friendship in Reno reacts?

I'll tell you. She collapses to the floor and sobs tears of relief.

So glad God gave me more empathy than cynicism. It's painful to care this much. My heart breaks easily for others' pain. I am a small person with a small life and no power. But I had the time, a couple extra hundred dollars and the heart to help.

**** but people like that secretary royally tick me off. Hence the long rant.

ETA: yeah, they are a mess, and probably always will be. They're hurt, traumatized by life and the mother suffers depression. Not their fault. And people like that deserve even MORE respect and consideration than the lucky "normal" people like the secretary in her designer shoes and expensive perfume.

 

[Soapmaker145]

Lenarenee, I'm so glad you are getting some help. Situations like the one you described are unfortunately common and these women had more than their fair share of bad luck.

There used to be a young woman who panhandled politely at an intersection near where I used to work. I always thought she was faking it because she was always clean and very well put together and didn't look like she lived on the street. One late night, I saw her with another person assembling cardboard boxes and papers near a heat vent on the side of a building in an unsafe part of town. It was 0oF with winds over 40mph. I remember feeling really sick like I was punched really hard. I went back to find her and I couldn't. I still think about her a decade later and it still makes me feel ill.

Our city has warming and cooling shelters during the more extreme cold and heat but there are never enough. We lose people every year. Our police arrest people who beg for money and keep the intersections clear. They buy one way tickets for the homeless to warmer cities in the winter. When they end up in emergency rooms, the doctors stabilize them and send them in cabs to other emergency rooms. In the poorer areas, the emergency rooms just closed in order not to deal with the poor and homeless.

There are people who abuse the kindness of others, but there are more people in genuine need. While many may have undiagnosed mental illnesses, there are many regular, even professional people who are 1 or 2 steps away from falling into homelessness. I have a friend in this category and it can be difficult to be there for her sometimes but it is a lot better than the alternative.

The offer to help is still there if you still need it.

 

[lenarenee]

Hate to say it but Dixie is basically right. If they don't have a home in Reno, they are homeless. It doesn't matter if they are mentally disabled -- you aren't going to fix any of that, and shipping them to Reno is not a solution. It's an awful reality despite your incredible compassion.


"Someone has snapped a photo and turned the mother into to the police for panhandling, so now she scared of being arrest. She won't be out trying to make money tomorrow, so after tomorrow night there will be no more funds for the motel."

That sounds a little like a scam -- or paranoia/mental problems like BattleGnome suggested. Who turns in panhandlers, and even if they did, is it common for cops to arrest them? My experience in other places is that no one bothers -- there are just too many higher priorities.

I hope we're wrong and they just need a little boost. My offer stands in that case, but unfortunately it is not looking likely.

They have steady live-able income. They rented. They are wait listed at the housing authority as well. They won't be homeless - once they can get re-established. And the church and I have already started getting them professional assistance. This has been proven.


*hand raises straight into air" ME! I can tell you who - the people in the city I live in! They do bother. They send neighbors threatening notes about their trash cans being left out on the curb 2 hours after the city's ....what do you call it....code? They call the police to complain about the noise the contractors are making as they build a patio on the side of the house. They send threatening letters to the young family across the street with 2 boys and a newborn because the kids are too noisy. You can get arrested for feeding the hungry in public. Besides, I was there when the cop car came cruising through showing the picture to other guests at the hotel.

This is a wealthy city that's very proud (annoyingly so) of its reputation. There is a spa here that Oprah visits. I live in a house that's worthy 1/5 of a million dollars more than it should, simply because the community across the street has 3 - 5 million dollar houses. Pricy by association.

 

[lenarenee]

As many red flags as there are, I work with adults who have developmental disabilities and the logic of the situation seems on par with the people I work with. That's part of the reason I suggested DHS.

My guess is the mother has some issue that is undiagnosed. I couldn't tell you if it's an illness, disability, or injury. At the same time she could be (excuse the bluntness) a functional idiot. I've dealt with those because of work too.

An example of the level of non-logic my coworker has had to work through recently (names changed of course):
"John wants to meet me under the water tower to have sex."
"Who's John?"
"John raped me and gave me herpes last year"
"I thought you said that was Bill"
"John is Bill's brother. Can we go after lunch?"

This person's entire family and most of their friends function on this logic but this person is the only one with any diagnosis.

As iffy as it seems and as much trouble as they bring, it is possible this is a legit situation.

YES! They say and do things that confuse me. It's almost like they can't follow the conversation or - well for example. The church gave 60 dollars of certificates for the food store they could walk to, and $50 for food and incidentals for the bus or train (still working on that). Lena gave it to me. I couldn't convince her to take. So I said I would return that evening to take them to buy hot prepared food to eat for dinner. She spent the last of her cash from begging to buy food!! ???

This is why I'm seeking advisors and mentors from the church/social services to keep an eye on them. With someone to trust, they can be led to make better choices. They are very open to advice.

 

[BattleGnome]

The church gave 60 dollars of certificates for the food store they could walk to, and $50 for food and incidentals for the bus or train (still working on that).
[...]
This is why I'm seeking advisors and mentors from the church/social services to keep an eye on them. With someone to trust, they can be led to make better choices. They are very open to advice.

If you are in contact with a social worker in Reno it might be time for them to discuss guardianship, if you feel comfortable mentioning it. As for now the best thing might be for you to give them a "daily allowance" for their food and keep receipts to cover your butt about where the money goes (I know this is temporary for you but a paper trail never hurts when it comes to managing someone else's money).

At this point they very obviously think of you as the responsible one who will get them where they need to go. Depending on how things progress they may start looking to you for every little decision or want you there when potential appointments come up which can be tricky. Make sure anyone you are meeting with knows that you have no legal guardianship so you don't accidentally hear things you don't need to. (If it is shared with you after the appointment that isn't your responsibility but there is legal stuff to go with medical information and whatnot)

 

[BeesKnees]

There are people who abuse the kindness of others, but there are more people in genuine need. While many may have undiagnosed mental illnesses, there are many regular, even professional people who are 1 or 2 steps away from falling into homelessness. I have a friend in this category and it can be difficult to be there for her sometimes but it is a lot better than the alternative.
.

And, having worked with some of the mentally ill and/or homeless population, many of them are diagnosed but don't/won't take their meds, for whatever reason. They lose the ability to solve even the simplest problems of daily living. They assume they can't afford the meds without ever going to a pharmacy and finding out that it's one of the drugs that you can get for only $4 a month, for example. Of course, then once you work through that with them it's a matter of getting them to actually take the drug as prescribed, and not mix it with alcohol or street drugs, but that's another story. They have been so beaten down by the many details of life that they (feel they) can't deal with on a daily basis that they stop even trying. The next thing they know, they are homeless. They have no stable contact information to get call backs for any job interviews, no stable address at which to receive mail. They can get meals by following the staggered schedules (in Birmingham, for example, I know there at least used to be 3 places where free meals were served for the homeless and the start times were staggered at 11:30, 12:00, and 12:30, I think it was, or maybe it was 11, 11:30 and 12, something like that. Theoretically, at least, a person should be able to make it to at least 2 if not all 3 of those in case their first choice ran out of food or they were still hungry. So they get caught up in the daily routine of being at certain places at certain times for free food and being at a shelter at a certain time for a free place to stay that night...... Whew, flashback to earlier days when I still wanted to save the world. I had to take a step back and haven't kept up with what is available for the homeless now in Birmingham. Anywhoo, I hope you are able to keep these women from homelessness. You are right, once they are homeless they will find it even tougher to recover and get on their feet. Basically this is sympathy for your tender heart and the frustrating, challenging plight of trying to help people who seem at a loss for how to help themselves. ::safe hug::

 

[lenarenee]

Bad news. Short story - They are not going to Reno.

As of noon today, they'll be on the streets here. Because of the necessary change of plans, my church has changed its mind about funding.

 

[shunt2011]

That's so very sad. You've certainly gone above and beyond tryng to help them.

 

[dixiedragon]

I'm sorry to hear that. I know you are working very hard to help them! Re: the dogs - even if they are not registered or recognizable as a particular breed, it may be worth contacting breed-specific rescue groups as well as non-breed-specific groups. If all you need for the dogs is a foster home (vs expensive medical care) the breed-specific groups may be able to help you. It may also be worth contacting local vets, they may be able to point you to resources.

Some DV groups also have access to folks who are willing to foster pets for their clients while the clients get back on their feet. That may be another avenue to try.

I'm focusing so much on the dogs b/c I have no helpful ideas regarding the women, but I'm thinking that it will probably be easier to find food/lodging/transport for 2 women vs 2 women + 5 dogs.