Advice on Criticism

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:bunny: Howdy neighbor! (Well sort off)

Hope you are nowhere close to Harvey. What a tragedy...... what part of Texas are you from? South, North, East, or West?

I live in South Texas. Its hasn't been bad where I am but Houston has been hit quite hard. Thank you for the well wishes. Honestly if it wasn't for the news, the disheveled grocery stores and everyone checking on me, I wouldn't even know there was a Hurricane! (I don't have cable and the only thing I watch or read about is soap as of late)

I couldn't tell if you truly were looking for advice on how to handle criticism, or if this was your way of saying, "Hey dude/dudette, you hurt my feelings" to the person who did, without directly confronting them in the thread.

So I didn't respond.

But you did leave me wondering how I handle criticism, which led me to the question - is it worth paying attention to someone's criticism?

I'm a child care provider in a rather wealthy entitled area. New people are turned off when they hear what I do for work. Their comments range from "why would you ever want to do that? Did you ever think of getting a real job? to...but you seem intelligent....

Many people really do think that any moron can "watch" kids. But do they do it well?

I have one particular child who thanks me every day - at least once - for the way I take care of her. She feels loved, respected, valued, supported...and strengthened enough to face the challenges in her day.

I never had that as a kid, so I know how absolutely priceless my work is. I don't need/want a corporate charge account or designer clothes to feel worthy. When I look into a child's eyes and see hope, joy and confidence....that's golden.

Sorry for the long story, but it leads me back to you:

A nameless stranger seems to have a negative feeling about your soaping knowledge. Does it matter? Should it stop you from fulfilling your goal of learning to make soap? Does it mean you should feel bad?

You have ONE person you are completely accountable to; yourself. You don't need to please any one else, so feel free to take care of your needs and ignore anything that isn't worth your time.

You are wanted here. Welcome to the forum; I look forward to seeing your future soaping adventures!

To be honest...both. I wanted to address them but I also know I can be quite sensitive especially when I'm determined and I feel like I'm being knocked down before I'm even trying to stand. I'm also petty af and I didn't want to come in here starting anything! While I don't like confrontation, I also don't like letting people just chip at me anyway they'd like. So I figured I'd just ask about criticism to check myself.
 
You will get to know those people who are just here to be negative. They are few and far in between, thank goodness! Everyone else is here to help and to learn. Not necessarily in that order, though. We all have differing opinions on stuff, though, so read through entire threads before making any decision. That way you get a lot of opinions and can decide on your own.
 
I re-read your first thread and I didn't see anything that resembled this:

I mean one person even went so far as to "advise" me in one post and basically reprimand me, while undermining the knowledge I have gained, in the next. I would love to learn from everyone, not just the professionals but I'm already uncomfortable.

You mention that you have a problem with criticism and that you feel "knocked down" - I gently suggest that you seem to have some insecurities that are leading you to interpret things in the worst possible light?

On an internet forum - ANY internet forum - it is best to try to view things in the "best light". There is a lot of kindness and enthusiasm here, but also not a lot of sugar coating, because there are genuine safety issues involved here. And if you are sharing your products with other people, you could harm them. Here's a thread that might interest you.
http://www.soapmakingforum.com/showthread.php?t=39952

We feel very strongly about safety - your safety and the safety of people who use your products. I am thinking you are referring to the people telling you not to use glass? That is not criticism of YOU - that is criticism of the videos that do that and also concern for your safety. Think about it - what if that glass pitcher shatters while you are carrying it and a few cups of hot lye water and glass shards poured over your foot? That would be a horrible injury.
 
Wyvernwench
At the very top of the soapmaking forum page is "today's posts" when I look at the forum I only look at that list. You can't lose a post that way and you can see which topics have been updated since you last looked.

The mods try to keep posts together in their correct little huddle. Don't take having had a post moved as a slight against you-it's a filing thing!

Go ahead and start a thread if you need to and adjust your search!

To the OP Dunbardesigns: I've looked in on "the dish" and a few Facebook soaping pages and I come scuttling back here for protection! You'll learn to hear each person's particular voice eventually and get to know them. Everyone is trying to help in their own way.
But there is a lot of wonderful information available on the Dish from very knowledgeable members. In fact it was on the Dish where I received fantastic information about making lotions. You just have to get past the "tough love" ...My first first few day on the dish I had a member decide to "police" our website and tell me all that was wrong. What she did not know was, we actually had an FDA inspector place an order and was all over our site. We sent out the order and never heard back. We really never knew if she was the site or just wanted to actually order. I posted back on the thread that I did not ask the gal for her advice then blocked her on the forum.

All forums tend to have a key word that ticks off the longer forum members. I noticed on the Dish it is someone asking for a recipe. Here mentioning selling when you just start off making soap is similar to waving a red flag in front of a bull. Those of us whom sell have put in several years of very hard work perfecting our recipes and testing them to make sure they are stable. Then it is the extreme hard work of going to markets and making little back. There are very knowledgeable folks here with a lot of information to learn. After 7-8 yrs of soapmaking I still learn new thing here. You don't like the way someone answers move on or send a pm. Some people are very diplomatic some such as I are not so much. So stick around and learn :)
 
This is pretty much why I have severely cut down on posting especially to new people. Sometimes I can't help myself, but I am really trying to get better about just not saying anything.

kchaystack, I am sorry to hear this as it makes me wonder what I might have learned from you or what experiences we might have shared but never will. But I sure can't judge as I have been lurking for more than 90 days and still not posted enough to 'qualify' to enter the challenges because I, too, am trying to keep a low profile ...
 
This is pretty much why I have severely cut down on posting especially to new people. Sometimes I can't help myself, but I am really trying to get better about just not saying anything.

That is a shame. It really is. You have so much to teach people! I learn from you quite often when you post. Please reconsider and come back!
 
Exactly, are we becoming fb with all politically correct answers.
Knowledgeable, people who want to post and share , stop posting because they "hurt" some snowflakes feelings.
I thought we are all mature people
Relle linked to forum courtesy rules, it should be sticky for newbies it should come first when they come to forum.
I am not here to fight, I am here to learn,
Making drama's cause of criticism, is very immature, If someone can not take criticism, why bother and ask questions?
Drama Queen?????
The most knowledgeable, person stopped posting????? Come on people do not ask questions if you are that sensitive, the best not to be on internet, every where people voice their opinions.
 
What a storm this thread unleashed. Please, we're all grown-ups...just everybody post their honest thoughts in a considerate way so we can all learn together.

I'm not trying to be rude, I'm honestly curious... I have read the responses here, and I do not see any "storm"? I see honest thoughts and advice and people acting like grown-ups, having a discussion - the exact thing you are asking for.
 
I think the longer this thread gets, the more likely someone's nose is going to be outa sort :). The OP have gotten great advices and all. I would implore everyone that we let this thread go (die). I have been all on all sort of forums and I have got to admit you guys rock.... Group hug!
 
I'm still waiting on an explanation on how to read tone. To my knowledge- that's impossible. Sure peoplecan be a little more careful with word choices but it's up to the reader to pick and choose what to and when to react to it.

Communication always has it's intended message and the received message. Many times the intended message is not quite the received message. This is especially true when you are not face-to-face with the person whom you're talking too. At time like this, you have to acknowledge that what is being said may not have been written in a way to hurt or offend. In those cases, you walk away and then revisit the "offending" post and reread it.

I've come across plenty of seemingly offending posts but most of the time, I stopped and waited before REREADING that post again. Most of those posts turned out to be well needed advice.
 
Since joining this forum in May I think I have started only four threads. My first three threads were posted to the Beginner's section, and all three got moved by a moderator immediately and I still don't know where they went. ??? No a very welcoming feeling for me. So I learned fast not to start threads here ....

QUOTE]

Here is your 1st thread posted - Still in the Beginners section
http://www.soapmakingforum.com/showthread.php?p=649641#post649641
2nd thread posted - still in the Beginners section
http://www.soapmakingforum.com/showthread.php?p=651303#post651303
3rd thread posted - Photo Gallery - moved to show photos.
http://www.soapmakingforum.com/showthread.php?p=651531#post651531
4th thread posted - still in the Beginners section
http://www.soapmakingforum.com/showthread.php?t=64050
5th thread posted - still in the Beginners section
http://www.soapmakingforum.com/showthread.php?p=652849#post652849

4 posts are still where you posted them and one was moved.
 
Since joining this forum in May I think I have started only four threads. My first three threads were posted to the Beginner's section, and all three got moved by a moderator immediately and I still don't know where they went. ??? No a very welcoming feeling for me. So I learned fast not to start threads here ....

QUOTE]

Here is your 1st thread posted - Still in the Beginners section
http://www.soapmakingforum.com/showthread.php?p=649641#post649641
2nd thread posted - still in the Beginners section
http://www.soapmakingforum.com/showthread.php?p=651303#post651303
3rd thread posted - Photo Gallery - moved to show photos.
http://www.soapmakingforum.com/showthread.php?p=651531#post651531
4th thread posted - still in the Beginners section
http://www.soapmakingforum.com/showthread.php?t=64050
5th thread posted - still in the Beginners section
http://www.soapmakingforum.com/showthread.php?p=652849#post652849

4 posts are still where you posted them and one was moved.


My apologizes for my mistake. I was wrong.
 
cmzaha what is the dish? Is it a bath and body forum? Or are you talking about TV .... please forgive my ignorance ... but I am curious.

:?
 
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