A need for levity

SoapMakingForum

Help Support SoapMakingForum:

bookreader451

Supporting Member
Joined
Jul 22, 2019
Messages
488
Reaction score
953
Location
Troy NY
Okay we all need a good belly laugh right about now. How about we all find a cute joke and post it?

I'll start and it's a groaner!!

I asked my daughter if she’d seen my newspaper. She told me that newspapers are old school. She said that people use tablets nowadays and handed me her iPad.

The fly didn’t stand a chance.
 

Kcryss

Supporting Member
Joined
Dec 10, 2019
Messages
649
Reaction score
386
Location
Colorado
I agree. We all need a little humor. Here is my all time favorite clean joke. :)

How to Bathe a Cat - FLUSH 'N FLUFF
1. Thoroughly clean the toilet.
2. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water, and have both lids lifted.
3. Obtain the cat and soothe him while you carry him toward the bathroom.
4. In one very quick smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids (you may need to stand on the lid so that he cannot escape).
CAUTION: Do not get any part of your body too close to the edge, as his paws will be reaching out for any purchase they can find.
5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a 'power wash and rinse' which I have found to be quite effective.
6. Have someone open the door to the outside and ensure that there are no people between the toilet and the outside door.
7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.
8. The now-clean cat will rocket out of the toilet, and run outside where he will dry himself.

Sincerely,

The Dog
 

AliOop

Lifetime Supporter
Joined
Nov 15, 2018
Messages
308
Reaction score
285
Location
US
This is copied and pasted from the Babylon Bee, a favorite satire site of mine that pokes fun at all sides of a variety of issues.

Local Southern Baptist pastor Pete Harrison resigned in disgrace earlier this week after admitting that he doesn't like eating casseroles.
The scandal unfolded after a church congregant unearthed comments made by Harrison in a recorded sermon over 10 years ago, in which Harrison said he preferred "something healthy like a nice garden salad" to "fatty, unhealthy casseroles."


Dozens of angered church members stormed Harrison's home with pitchforks and torches hastily assembled out of the church's unused front pew, demanding answers. The pastor emerged, frightened and sheepish, and made a statement.

"I apologize to all those I've hurt," he mumbled as several elderly church ladies began fashioning a Molotov cocktail to throw through his window. "It's clear to me now that I'm unfit for ministry. Please accept my resignation, and for the love of all that is holy, don't hurt me!"

The church members reportedly backed down after Pastor Pete began handing out coupons for 15% off a Golden Corral lunch or dinner to quell the uprising.

Harrison is weighing his options but will likely end up back in ministry at a salad-friendly denomination such as the PCUSA or the Unitarian Universalists.
 

AliOop

Lifetime Supporter
Joined
Nov 15, 2018
Messages
308
Reaction score
285
Location
US
Romantic Text Message
An elderly couple had just learned how to send text messages on their cell phones.

One afternoon, the wife, who was the romantic one in the relationship, decided to send her husband this text message:

If you are sleeping, send me your dreams.
If you are laughing, send me your smile.
If you are eating, send me a bite.
If you are drinking, send me a sip.
If you are crying, send me your tears.
I love you."

The husband texted back to her:

"I'm on the toilet. Please advise."
 

AliOop

Lifetime Supporter
Joined
Nov 15, 2018
Messages
308
Reaction score
285
Location
US
This old list of puns still makes me laugh.

1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'

13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

17. A backward poet writes inverse.

18. In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.

19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine.

21. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.'

22. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says 'Dam!'

23. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

24. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron.' The other says 'Are you sure?' The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'

25. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

26. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
 

Sally Scheibner

Well-Known Member
Joined
Aug 28, 2019
Messages
81
Reaction score
63
Location
Indiantown Fl
No problem.... She had probably been putting up with ‘said’ s.....for a long time. (RE: he was not the romantic )

Hope I didn’t overstep the bounds. Let me know.
 
Last edited by a moderator:

dixiedragon

Well-Known Member
Joined
Aug 1, 2013
Messages
6,381
Reaction score
4,916
Location
Birmingham, Alabama, USA
10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

I literally JUST GOT THIS. I always took it literally, as in, if you throw a piece of fruit it flies like a banana would fly. I thought the humor was that it was such a nonsensical statement.

But now I actually get the pun - Fruit flies (the insect) like (enjoy) a banana.

Sorry, I felt the need to lay it all out. Just in case I'm not the only one. (please tell me i'm not alone here lol)
 

bookreader451

Supporting Member
Joined
Jul 22, 2019
Messages
488
Reaction score
953
Location
Troy NY
Teacher: "If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven."

Teacher: "No, listen carefully... If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven."

Teacher: "Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Six."

Teacher: "Good. Now if I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven!"

Teacher: "Johnny, where in the heck do you get seven from?!"
Johnny: "Because I've already got a freaking cat!"
 

sirtim100

Well-Known Member
Joined
Aug 16, 2019
Messages
294
Reaction score
599
Location
A Coruña, Spain
Now this is my kind of thread...

Given the obligation of many Spanish families to keep their children at home in view of the coronavirus crisis, these tender, loving youngsters are doing everything possible to entertain and help their parents. Here are some photos of the adorable little darlings:
IMG-20200320-WA0025.jpg IMG-20200320-WA0026.jpg IMG-20200320-WA0027.jpg IMG-20200320-WA0028.jpg IMG-20200320-WA0029.jpg IMG-20200320-WA0030.jpg IMG-20200320-WA0031.jpg IMG-20200320-WA0032.jpg IMG-20200320-WA0033.jpg IMG-20200320-WA0034.jpg
 

szaza

Well-Known Member
Joined
Aug 8, 2018
Messages
990
Reaction score
1,449
Location
Belgium
Anyone into really random humor?

It's red and really bad for your teeth
- a brick

It's green and brown and when it falls from a tree onto your head it'll most likely be fatal
- a pool table

It's green but it doesn't weigh much
- light green

Why isn't johnny able to swim?
- johnny's a rock.

Sorry I know these are too absurd for most but I enjoy them
 

Sally Scheibner

Well-Known Member
Joined
Aug 28, 2019
Messages
81
Reaction score
63
Location
Indiantown Fl
Some days it pays to be naturally grey. Like the lack of fighting to get into the salon when this is over. I don't do the fake nails, either.
I decided to never color my hair. (Mostly don’t care, hate wasting time; cut my own anyway w/ thinning shears). Got scalped by surgeon from a teeny but malignant pimple. Research & practice making my own safer shampoo bar w/hair loving oils. Use jojoba to condition. Love your natural color, don’t worry what others think.
 
Last edited by a moderator:
2
Top