A little ranty, but good and bad

[Megan]

Seems like it has been forever since I've been on here, and that probably won't get much better lol. So much has happened over the past couple of months. I bought a new house, so we moved, and I worked a bunch fixing up both my old and new houses. I wish the old one would sell, so I could just be done with it.

Then I started job searching. My husband decided towards the end of last year that I shouldn't be a stay at home mom anymore. I think he resented it, maybe he didn't think I was doing enough for our family taking care of our twin toddlers...but I digress. So I've been searching and interviewing, and working as a receptionist for our family business. I mostly like doing that. There is a lot of flexibility in it, especially with my kids new to daycare, and sick a lot.

Well, today I'm getting my offer for a job. I should be thrilled. It's in my field, it pays well enough. I'm torn though. So, I do want the job, that is I want to try it out, and I think I could like the work (it would separate me from working under my husband's supervision, which I think would be good for us). I already hate not seeing my kids though at the point I am now, and this new job would only make it worse. Trying it out isn't even really an option according to the contract I have with my job recruiter. He said something about a one year contract (a "one year sincerity pledge")...and I don't even really understand what it entails. If I end up liking the work, I'm fine staying indefinitely really...and, in general, I'm a fiercely loyal person. I guess I'm weird though, because now this language is making me feel trapped and I'm not even sure what to do...

Anyway, sorry for the rant. No one in my life has time to go through the details with me, so here I am.

 

[reinbeau]

You sound like you're in a rather unsupportive situation. Raising children and keeping a home is a huge, wonderful 'job' that benefits all. Anyone who doesn't appreciate that - I just don't get it. Your husband decided this? I am sorry he doesn't appreciate a well cared for home and family. I agree it would be better to not work with him. I do think you'd be better off with a good job separated from his control if you have to work.

 

[Marilyn Norgart]

I agree working under him might not be the best situation for you. I always felt guilty for leaving my kids to work but I was single and had no choice. BUT I truly think my kids grew in daycare, they experienced things they wouldn't have with me. I can be somewhat of a recluse. its not all roses for sure but given your situation I think trying to find some positives might be key

 

[Megan]

I agree working under him might not be the best situation for you. I always felt guilty for leaving my kids to work but I was single and had no choice. BUT I truly think my kids grew in daycare, they experienced things they wouldn't have with me. I can be somewhat of a recluse. its not all roses for sure but given your situation I think trying to find some positives might be key

I know. Part of the reason I'm not fighting the daycare thing is that I've seen they are doing very well and making a lot of friends. Whereas before they had more limited contact with kids their age. Plus, more structure in their day is never a bad thing.

You sound like you're in a rather unsupportive situation. Raising children and keeping a home is a huge, wonderful 'job' that benefits all. Anyone who doesn't appreciate that - I just don't get it. Your husband decided this? I am sorry he doesn't appreciate a well cared for home and family. I agree it would be better to not work with him. I do think you'd be better off with a good job separated from his control if you have to work.

He's supportive in some ways, but being an entrepreneur, his life is very stressful...and I think he likes to compare "who has it worse"...that type of person. I was working 90 hour weeks before we had the twins, and I feel he still didn't appreciate the value of what I did because I think he's just too centered on his own experience. I still love him though, so we've got that...and I'm hoping that what we're going through is just a speed bump.

 

[earlene]

By all means work away from the supervision of your husband. It is good to maintain a certain amount of independence from your family once you are a grown-up. Now, you can take what I say with a grain of salt, because you may not totally agree with me, and that's fine. But I firmly believe a relationship that has no periodic or regular relief from the principals is subject strains that can lead to resentments and discord. In theory, it sounds good that 'a family who works together stays together', but in practice I have seen too many families have huge rifts from working too closely with no relief from each other.

In my personal experience, I have learned I cannot work with my husband. Not in a family business and not as a volunteer where he is the person in 'charge' (the volunteer coordinator). He was incapable of treating me the same way he treated others in those situations. In some situations, I know the family members treat their own better than they treat other employees, which isn't good either, but when family are treated badly while regular employees or volunteers are treated well, is demoralizing to the family in that situation. I am not saying this will happen to you, but the potential is there, as is the potential for favoritism, which is also not good for company morale.

So given the experience you are having already, I believe you are right in seeking outside employment.

As for the year commitment, that seems pretty normal to me. No employer wants to hire someone with a 'oh, I am just trying this out & I could leave anytime if it doesn't suit me' kind of attitude. Employers put a lot of effort into training new employees. Some new employment situations require thousands of dollars of training expense, with supervisors and trainers pulled away from their regular duties for an extended period of time. Training time and training costs invested in a person who is unwilling to commit to a decent interval of work (such as a year) can be cost prohibitive. If I were an employer and the 'head hunter' or whatever your agent is called, always sent me people who were unwilling to commit to longer term employment, I would stop using that agency or person for prospective employees.

I do understand how it can feel like you are being trapped into employment, but the entrapment really stems from you husband's apparently unilateral decision that your value is based on outside employment rather than as a mother and home-maker. That's were the problem lies as I see it in what you have said.

 

[Alien]

Seems like it has been forever since I've been on here, and that probably won't get much better lol. So much has happened over the past couple of months. I bought a new house, so we moved, and I worked a bunch fixing up both my old and new houses. I wish the old one would sell, so I could just be done with it.

Then I started job searching. My husband decided towards the end of last year that I shouldn't be a stay at home mom anymore. I think he resented it, maybe he didn't think I was doing enough for our family taking care of our twin toddlers...but I digress. So I've been searching and interviewing, and working as a receptionist for our family business. I mostly like doing that. There is a lot of flexibility in it, especially with my kids new to daycare, and sick a lot.

Well, today I'm getting my offer for a job. I should be thrilled. It's in my field, it pays well enough. I'm torn though. So, I do want the job, that is I want to try it out, and I think I could like the work (it would separate me from working under my husband's supervision, which I think would be good for us). I already hate not seeing my kids though at the point I am now, and this new job would only make it worse. Trying it out isn't even really an option according to the contract I have with my job recruiter. He said something about a one year contract (a "one year sincerity pledge")...and I don't even really understand what it entails. If I end up liking the work, I'm fine staying indefinitely really...and, in general, I'm a fiercely loyal person. I guess I'm weird though, because now this language is making me feel trapped and I'm not even sure what to do...

Anyway, sorry for the rant. No one in my life has time to go through the details with me, so here I am.

Seems like it has been forever since I've been on here, and that probably won't get much better lol. So much has happened over the past couple of months. I bought a new house, so we moved, and I worked a bunch fixing up both my old and new houses. I wish the old one would sell, so I could just be done with it.

Then I started job searching. My husband decided towards the end of last year that I shouldn't be a stay at home mom anymore. I think he resented it, maybe he didn't think I was doing enough for our family taking care of our twin toddlers...but I digress. So I've been searching and interviewing, and working as a receptionist for our family business. I mostly like doing that. There is a lot of flexibility in it, especially with my kids new to daycare, and sick a lot.

Well, today I'm getting my offer for a job. I should be thrilled. It's in my field, it pays well enough. I'm torn though. So, I do want the job, that is I want to try it out, and I think I could like the work (it would separate me from working under my husband's supervision, which I think would be good for us). I already hate not seeing my kids though at the point I am now, and this new job would only make it worse. Trying it out isn't even really an option according to the contract I have with my job recruiter. He said something about a one year contract (a "one year sincerity pledge")...and I don't even really understand what it entails. If I end up liking the work, I'm fine staying indefinitely really...and, in general, I'm a fiercely loyal person. I guess I'm weird though, because now this language is making me feel trapped and I'm not even sure what to do...

Anyway, sorry for the rant. No one in my life has time to go through the details with me, so here I am.

Depending upon the wording of the sincerity pledge, it may be nothing to worry about, but I think I would ask what would happen if I were to quit before a year...I know how it feels to be torn between work and kids...I think you are wise to see that not having your husband as your supervisor might enhance the marriage...ah, life is so full of decisions to be made sans complete information. I wish you the best and have found that, even though sounding trite, the thought that there is no wrong decision is often true...

 

[Megan]

Depending upon the wording of the sincerity pledge, it may be nothing to worry about, but I think I would ask what would happen if I were to quit before a year...I know how it feels to be torn between work and kids...I think you are wise to see that not having your husband as your supervisor might enhance the marriage...ah, life is so full of decisions to be made sans complete information. I wish you the best and have found that, even though sounding trite, the thought that there is no wrong decision is often true...

I am planning on asking. I think it will be a non-issue with the job really, I think it will suit me well, and if I'm right I can stay much longer than a year. Even if it doesn't suit me, I probably still can lol. I'm just the type of person that likes to think of every possibility that I can.