A couple jokes

[Casey_01]

An expectant mother was being rushed to the hospital, but
didn't quite make it.

She gave birth to her baby on the hospital lawn. Later, the
father received a bill, listing "Delivery Room Fee: $500."

He wrote the hospital and reminded them the baby was born
on the front lawn. A week passed, and a corrected bill arrived:

"Greens Fee: $200."

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A baby rabbit was orphaned. Fortunately, a family of squirrels took him
in and raised him as if he were one of their own. As the rabbit grew he
acted more like a squirrel than a rabbit, running around like the other
squirrels instead of hopping like a rabbit.

As he got older, however, the rabbit faced an identity crisis, so he
went to his squirrel parents to discuss the problem. He confessed how he
increasingly felt different from his squirrel siblings and wanted more
and more to act like a rabbit.

And do you know what his wise squirrel parents told him?

"Don't scurry, be hoppy."

 

[Panda]

Why do pirates always have a bar of soap tied to them?

So when they are shipwrecked they can wash them themself ashore

 

[Cathy8]

A couple of young boys were fishing at their special pond off the beaten track. All of a sudden, the Game Warden jumped out of the bushes. Immediately, one of the boys threw his rod down and started running through the woods like a bat out of hell. The Game Warden was hot on his heels. After about a half mile, the young man stopped and stooped over with his hands on his thighs to catch his breath, so the Game Warden finally caught up to him. "Let's see yer fishin' license, Boy!" the Warden gasped. With that, the boy pulled out his wallet and gave the Game Warden a valid fishing license. "Well, son," said the Game Warden, "you must be about as dumb as a box of rocks! You don't have to run from me if you have a valid license!" "Yes, sir," replied the young guy, "but my friend back there, well, he don't have one."

 

[Cathy8]

Three friends die in a car accident and they go to an orientation in heaven. They are all asked, "When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning you, what would you like to hear them say about you? The first guy says,"I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctor of my time, and a great family man." The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher which made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow." The last guy replies, "I would like to hear them say ... Look, He's Moving!