Teenagers....please tell me there is an end to this madness.

Hi Everyone!!
Those that know me, know that I have a teenage son (other children also). He is just on 17. He is a major PITA, and has been for quite some time now! If it wasn't for my husband keeping me calm and level I would have Thelma and Louise'd it a long time ago. I keep hearing "it's a phase they go through". Just how long exactly is this "phase"? It's more like a permanent state of existence for us. To those of you with grown children, did you go through this? How did you cope? Did you cope? :shock:
We set rules, limits, and consequences for son. And follow through with them every single time. He just finds new ways to push the boundaries. This week it's fighting at school. I don't want my son to be a bully, and from what I have heard he is quite feared at school. He's a big boy, and at 17, as big as a grown man. I am embarassed and ashamed at what I am unleashing onto the unsuspecting public. I fear that they way he is going he is going to end up a thug, and a criminal, and in jail. Over reacting, yes I know, but these are the thoughts that go through a mothers head.
Anyway, this was more of a vent than anything, so thanks for listening (reading)!!

Chrissy

Oh, Chrissy. I feel your pain. I have 2 boys, 20 and 25. Some days I wanted to run away, or better yet, pack their bags and leave them on the stoop.

The do outgrow it. Does he have plans for college?

Deb, he has plans for nothing.
Doesn't want to work, doesn't want to go to school.
I'm so proud, I've raised a bum.

I know I'm not alone, but geez this is hard.
Just had a call from his school advisor, she's concerned too.
He was doing a work trial with a locksmith, they were so impressed with him they were going to offer him a job. Now he just hasn't shown up and told them the reason is because he has issue's at home. Kitten Love??

Chrissy... it's the hardest thing, being a parent... I have three grown children, raised them all basically the same way, gave them the same opportunities... my oldest, a daughter, is into drugs and alcohol, won't work, has two children who pretty much raise themselves... she knows better, she wasn't raised that way... she was AWFUL as a teenager, got pregnant at 15, was disrespectful and selfish... my middle child, also a daughter, went through the usual smart mouth teen at 14 or 15 but outgrew it and is a hard working, wonderful young lady, she's one of my best friends now... my baby, my son has never given me one minute of disrespect or worry, he's a youth minister now (who knew!?! He's always been such a smooth talker, I thought he'd end up a used car salesman, LOL!) Two out of three outgrew the terrible teens, one did not.

I guess what I'm saying is ultimately, no matter how you raise them or how hard you try, they make their own decisions and as long as you know you have done and in your case, are doing the best you can... don't beat yourself up. I know I've blamed myself for my daughter's behavior for many many years and finally had to stop or drive myself crazy... she was raised well, I did a good job... she chose to reject her upbringing!

OK I'm off that "Soap Box"

I'm half-kidding (sorta) but boot his butt out on his 18th bday!! no car, no money, no grad/bday gift..... on his b-day, give him 18 one dollar bills and an eviction notice lol..

No but seriously - he's doing what most of them do.... they feel like an adult but their mental maturity level just isn't quite there yet. 18 year old kids with no financial backing from mom and dad work about 40 hours a week to pay rent on a small apartment. The ones who have a safety net tend to get bored easily and find bad choice to make at 2 in the morning.

Having a job really helps. Does he have a car, a cell phone, money to go out with? If he does...where does he get it? He should be making money himself and paying for things. Make him WANT a job.

Hi Chrissy...I receive videos from these people and this is the one that came this morning. In no way am I saying this is your son's problem, but it is interesting. The comments underneath are worth reading as well.

http://renegadehealth.com/blog/2010/06/ ... itotoxins/

There are so many things that it could be. We as parents just have to keep searching. I have raised 4 kids and my youngest is 16. He is a great kid but he sure is aging me. I have tricked him into eating pretty healthy, so we do avoid alot of processed foods.( He'll do anything to get rid of his acne, and his acne is just about gone). But he is still lazy and he loves adventure meaning he sometimes does things before he thinks.

Even though it appears he doesn't like it, I tell him how madly in love I am with him and I keep hugging him and keep communicating with him. If nothing else, I think his conscience gets pricked.

Trying to get thru but also trying to enjoy this time. Laurie

Don't worry too much; his brains haven't develloped fully yet and his hormones are using his body as a racing track.
He's probably unable to think through his actions and following consequences; and that's nothing but normal.

I agree with agriffin, a job would be good for him.
But, at that age I was working full time to pay my rent and I still found the time to do all crazy stuff :roll:

I had 3 daughters. My second one about age 13 turned into something else. It just got worse and worse till she was about 18. Then it started to slowly get a little better. She did whatever she could to try and get under her Mom and my skin. I have to give her credit because she wanted to move out at 15 and we let her at 16 to a friend of the family. She started to work right away and always paid her rent and survived. Then at about 20 she would talk to me a little bit anyway. Soon after that she decided she wanted more out of life and took a deal offered by a local hospital. Go to school for 2 years (paid) and a job will be waiting when she graduates. 6 weeks into this and she again decided she wanted more and quit that program and paid for her own schooling. She turned out to be a big biology nut and a natural at it. Went to the top school in the country and is now working at the top lab in the country.

Chrissy the reason I told you this story is it may be looking bad right now but hang in there, I belive they will get better some day for you as well. Take comfort in knowing you have done your job of raising him the right way and I think a day will come when he does'nt know what to do and will go with what he knows, that is what you have been teaching him for years. Hang in there.

Bruce

Thanks to you all for your comments.
It really helps to know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
Nobody tells you how hard teenagers can be, do they? You have to live through it to find out for yourself.
I know that it's hormone's, and I know that his emotional maturity level is not up to dealing with the hormonal and rash decisions that he is making.
He doesn't have a car, just a push bike, that he uses to get himself around on the weekend. I've stopped giving him cash, as I was suspicious as to what he was spending it on, so if he goes somewhere, I will go buy him food and he can take that with him. Of course he still gets some money but not enough to do anything with. Like buy alcohol I mean. He is still at school, he has one more year left, and we will not let him leave unless he has a full time job to go to. I'm not having him sitting around the house all day doing nothing collecting unemployment. Just not going to happen under my roof.
I think (fingers crossed) that we may have turned a little corner this week, he was very upset at how upset I was. He had a big meeting with the principal of his school and came home and said he realises that people are there to help him, not get him in trouble. Deep down I know that he is a good kid, and he does seem to be trying. He is a very talented soccer player, and has played a couple of times this week, so I'm thinking that the release of energy has done good for his mental state.
So, of course we'll hang in there, and I know that some days are better than others, and some are worse. You have all helped me in more ways than you can ever know, I feel a lot better!!
Thank you!!

Bigmoose said:

I had 3 daughters. My second one about age 13 turned into something else. It just got worse and worse till she was about 18. Then it started to slowly get a little better. She did whatever she could to try and get under her Mom and my skin. I have to give her credit because she wanted to move out at 15 and we let her at 16 to a friend of the family. She started to work right away and always paid her rent and survived. Then at about 20 she would talk to me a little bit anyway. Soon after that she decided she wanted more out of life and took a deal offered by a local hospital. Go to school for 2 years (paid) and a job will be waiting when she graduates. 6 weeks into this and she again decided she wanted more and quit that program and paid for her own schooling. She turned out to be a big biology nut and a natural at it. Went to the top school in the country and is now working at the top lab in the country.

Chrissy the reason I told you this story is it may be looking bad right now but hang in there, I belive they will get better some day for you as well. Take comfort in knowing you have done your job of raising him the right way and I think a day will come when he does'nt know what to do and will go with what he knows, that is what you have been teaching him for years. Hang in there.

Bruce

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I agree....it's like they suddenly snap back to reality...

Chrissy I am grateful he has a mother that cares........I cannot believe how may parents out there don't even know where there kids are half the time. I have a preteen (12) who thinks the world owes him a big favour!!!!! Bright and not interested in using it............If I earnt an extra 25,000 a year he would be off to boarding school next year!!!!!!. Nah probably not but sometimes boarding school seems like a great option!!!!!!!!

i have a friend who is married to someone who at 18 had no goals, didn't want to work etc and now he is 30, they live with his mom and her mom. his mom pays all the bills, they buy the groceries with food stamps. they have a child and he is about to start kindergarten which basically the grandma is supporting too. my DH offered him a place to stay and on the job training and a good reference if the guy would come from florida for a few weeks. he decided not to because he is too shy. :roll:
seriously? to shy to get job training? he sleeps til 3-4 most days and his wife sends out job apps in his name.

get your son off his booty before you end up living like that too! :shock:

i hope your DS does better than my friends DH is now...

ChrissyB said:

Deb, he has plans for nothing.
Doesn't want to work, doesn't want to go to school.
I'm so proud, I've raised a bum.

I know I'm not alone, but geez this is hard.
Just had a call from his school advisor, she's concerned too.
He was doing a work trial with a locksmith, they were so impressed with him they were going to offer him a job. Now he just hasn't shown up and told them the reason is because he has issue's at home. Kitten Love??

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one the 25th of this month tack this on his door:

"Rent is due 8/1/10, $250 to be paid in full, On the 3rd there shall be a $100 late fee charged in the event of delinquency"


lol thatll get him to find a job (hopefully) it may be a phase but you may need to light a match under his arse if ya know what i mean do what your gut instincts tell you to do!