Why are weddings so expensive? And people crazy!?

I'm 30, and we got engaged a few months ago. We are doing things in life little out of order, we own a little home together have a payed off car, the every wonderful ralph the mastiff, life is grand. We are committed, in love, and have all the ups and downs that go along with it. Life is good! We are married without the ceremony.

This wedding thing is CRAZY! I would be happy just doing it behind the barn with close friends and family. Potluck and simple. If i don't talk to you at least once a month, I don't want you at my wedding! I feel it should be people who are in my life and are our support network not every one i'v ever met and everyone who could possible be considered a relative.

When did Weddings get so out of control and not about the 2 people getting married! The pressure from everyone is outrageous and i find myself keep telling people if you don't like it tough! and upsetting people who don't get it. I have family who i do talk to often on the other side of the country and would be more than happy to set up a web cam, why spend $4000 just to come to my wedding, why do people feel thats ok?

My wedding should not be the highlight of my life, i want the little moments to be, the feeling we had our first night in our home, our first date, the day i flash boiled bees wax and am still cleaning it up, watching my lovely bride to be use our bran new $20,000 tractor and smash into our shed and the look on her face, canning apples from our trees for the first time and eating them late in the winter with pride. This is what i want my relationship to be about, I don't want to think back 10 years from now about my wedding day on our anniversary but all the moments that we shared good and bad over the years.

Am I crazy? Am i thinking about this all wrong?

No, you are not wrong. This is why people elope, and/or get married by a Justice of the Peace with only 5-10 people there (it works best when you call them 20 minutes ahead of the ceremony and tell them to show up or miss it). I took the second option twice now, and never regretted it. My parents set a good example, though, and eloped. A wedding is nothing more than the legal ceremony that starts a new phase of your life. You and your bride should determine the level of craziness, not the relatives.

Susie said:

No, you are not wrong. This is why people elope, and/or get married by a Justice of the Peace with only 5-10 people there (it works best when you call them 20 minutes ahead of the ceremony and tell them to show up or miss it). I took the second option twice now, and never regretted it. My parents set a good example, though, and eloped. A wedding is nothing more than the legal ceremony that starts a new phase of your life. You and your bride should determine the level of craziness, not the relatives.

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Eloping sounds better and better every day!

My girlfriend's daughter got married in their woodsy back yard. The bride and groom were barefoot. The bride carried a bouquet of flowers and ferns that she gathered from the woods. Their dog was the ring bearer. A boom box played their favorite songs while her father walked her down the path. They did spring for a tent in case of rain, and a caterer, cause there were a lot of people. It was such a beautiful and relaxed wedding, with people lingering late into the evening in adirondak chairs on the lawn by a big bonfire. It was my favorite wedding I've ever attended. I know it's not for everyone, but the practical Yankee in me thinks it's crazy to spend tons of money on a wedding when you could put that away for your future, and still have a great wedding!!! So I'm with you, RTM.

I didn't elope, but did go the jp route. My husband and I didn't want the expense or fuss of a big (or even small) wedding and went with tiny. I don't regret it. Neither of us is an in the spotlight type of person and the cost is outrageous. Why "start your life together" in debt? That's in quotes because if marriage is the beginning of the life together, I find it unlikely to be a long life, and I'm not referring to living together, but the little things you were talking about.

Good luck to you and your bride, I hope your special day ends up being exactly as the two of you want it to be!

RalphTheMastiff said:

Eloping sounds better and better every day!

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I tried that (kinda) but my mom refused to let us.

We honestly wanted to go to the court house with our parents, have lunch and be done with it. My mom threw money at us and demanded we use it. I ended up organizing both. The date we wanted (12-12-12) was on a Wednesday, so we got what we wanted and had a few days to ourselves then on the weekend we had the reception and I made it as no fuss as possible by finding an all inclusive venue (with cake and open bar).

Good luck with wedding prep. It sounds like you've got that important life thing a,ready figure out

My first marriage (early 20something) was pretty simple but rather conventional. My second (late 30something) was absolutely grand. I think Chuck (my DH) and I spent all of 20 bucks. It helps when you're old enough to finally tell the rest of the world to go take a flyin' leap at least once in awhile.

We were married in what was going to be the yard by of our soon-to-be house in the country (just a plot of mowed grass at the time.) The "altar" was the bed of a freshly washed pickup with the tailgate down. Chuck's friend Barry, the county magistrate, married us. Two of our friends were witnesses. Wedding music was provided throughout the ceremony by a virtuoso song sparrow. The florist was me -- I picked a quart canning jar full of wild sunflowers and feral daylilies from the nearby woods. The bride and groom wore jeans, cowboy boots, and nice shirts. After the ceremony, we served refreshments off the tailgate -- fresh coffee and light-as-a-cloud doughnuts from the local small-town bakery.

It was perfect.

Yep. Our wedding cost about $20, nearly 30 years ago now. We spent money on things that we needed.

DeeAnna said:

We were married in what was going to be the yard by of our soon-to-be house in the country (just a plot of mowed grass at the time.) The "altar" was the bed of a freshly washed pickup with the tailgate down. Chuck's friend Barry, the county magistrate, married us. Two of our friends were witnesses. Wedding music was provided throughout the ceremony by a virtuoso song sparrow. The florist was me -- I picked a quart canning jar full of wild sunflowers and feral daylilies from the nearby woods. The bride and groom wore jeans, cowboy boots, and nice shirts. After the ceremony, we served refreshments off the tailgate -- fresh coffee and light-as-a-cloud doughnuts from the local small-town bakery.

It was perfect.

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Love this! Mike and I also wore jeans and nice shirts. My mother was appalled, I was "me" and comfortable.

Dude. I hear you. My fiancé and I have been together for 8 years, own a house, a car, a dog... Got engaged last year. We already feel married. We're 28.

We're leaning towards a destination wedding in 2018. The thought of going on vacation for a week with some friends and family sounds pretty good. I have no interest in planning and stressing over a wedding. I'd rather hand some money over to a resort in Mexico and let them do the planning! And all said and done, it'll be cheaper than a traditional wedding anyway.

navigator9 said:

My girlfriend's daughter got married in their woodsy back yard. The bride and groom were barefoot. The bride carried a bouquet of flowers and ferns that she gathered from the woods. Their dog was the ring bearer. A boom box played their favorite songs while her father walked her down the path. They did spring for a tent in case of rain, and a caterer, cause there were a lot of people. It was such a beautiful and relaxed wedding, with people lingering late into the evening in adirondak chairs on the lawn by a big bonfire. It was my favorite wedding I've ever attended. I know it's not for everyone, but the practical Yankee in me thinks it's crazy to spend tons of money on a wedding when you could put that away for your future, and still have a great wedding!!! So I'm with you, RTM.

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We have rows of grape vines on our property that back up to a lard flat clearing to the back side of our barn. Vires of farmers fields in the background and its where the sun sets. Our property is super beautiful and if we plant a some bushes we could really make if nice but we could have 50 people tops unless we want to bring in a bunch of tents and equipment. We really could make it work very well but my bride is concerned that it will be to much work on us. The Lady can take over the top floor of the house and the gentlemen can take over the basement where my soap studio is is and walks out onto a patio with panoramic vies of the mountains. Guests in the poll barn that will provide shade and wonderful weather wood.

Save money and do lots of work at home or money up 40K and have it all taken care of.

Add me to the list of people who opted out of a large, costly wedding. DH and I are both uncomfortable being in the spotlight and neither of us wanted a big fuss. We invited out parents and our four closest friends to watch us get married by our town mayor. Afterwards we took everyone out for a very nice lunch.

I look at pictures of my wedding day and wouldn't change a single thing. My favorite picture is of me, DH, and our beautiful son (almost 3 years old at the time)...we were all smiling like crazy and just so happy.

I think people need to do what makes them happy and the only person you need to compromise with is the person you are spending the rest of your life with. Your wedding should be a celebration and confirmation of your love and commitment for each other. Some couples love a big, expensive party and being surrounded by a 100 people, while other people shudder at the thought.

If planning your wedding is stressing you out or draining your pockets then you and your love should reassess what you really want.

mx6inpenn said:

I didn't elope, but did go the jp route. My husband and I didn't want the expense or fuss of a big (or even small) wedding and went with tiny. I don't regret it. Neither of us is an in the spotlight type of person and the cost is outrageous. Why "start your life together" in debt? That's in quotes because if marriage is the beginning of the life together, I find it unlikely to be a long life, and I'm not referring to living together, but the little things you were talking about.

Good luck to you and your bride, I hope your special day ends up being exactly as the two of you want it to be!

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JP would be just fine for me! one of the complicating things we are up agents is her mother is dyeing, on top of medical problems has a lot of mental problems and is trying to pressure her to have a big wedding before she dies and is making it about her (the mother). My lovely bride to be is one of 4 girls and at this point the only one getting married in the foreseeable future lol. So her mother wants it to be everything she has envisioned. Its a lot of pressure on her.

I have to keep reminding her its about what she wants, if her mom wants a party before she dies great lets have one but thats not our wedding. We also shouldn't rush it because of her mother either. Its about us and what we want not what people around her want.

I can't even begin to describe how crazy her family but idk maybe everyone feels that about there partners family.

DeeAnna said:

My first marriage (early 20something) was pretty simple but rather conventional. My second (late 30something) was absolutely grand. I think Chuck (my DH) and I spent all of 20 bucks. It helps when you're old enough to finally tell the rest of the world to go take a flyin' leap at least once in awhile.

We were married in what was going to be the yard by of our soon-to-be house in the country (just a plot of mowed grass at the time.) The "altar" was the bed of a freshly washed pickup with the tailgate down. Chuck's friend Barry, the county magistrate, married us. Two of our friends were witnesses. Wedding music was provided throughout the ceremony by a virtuoso song sparrow. The florist was me -- I picked a quart canning jar full of wild sunflowers and feral daylilies from the nearby woods. The bride and groom wore jeans, cowboy boots, and nice shirts. After the ceremony, we served refreshments off the tailgate -- fresh coffee and light-as-a-cloud doughnuts from the local small-town bakery.

It was perfect.

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See this seems perfect to me! Not what i would have done but clearly was special to you guys! Thats what its all about being together with the people who support you in your life!

mx6inpenn said:

Love this! Mike and I also wore jeans and nice shirts. My mother was appalled, I was "me" and comfortable.

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Lol thats what mothers are supposed to be on occasion haha

toxikon said:

Dude. I hear you. My fiancé and I have been together for 8 years, own a house, a car, a dog... Got engaged last year. We already feel married. We're 28.

We're leaning towards a destination wedding in 2018. The thought of going on vacation for a week with some friends and family sounds pretty good. I have no interest in planning and stressing over a wedding. I'd rather hand some money over to a resort in Mexico and let them do the planning! And all said and done, it'll be cheaper than a traditional wedding anyway.

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Absolutely, I'v suggested Vegas, with round trip flights as low as $100 and rooms at older hotels like excaliper or circus circus for as low as $20 a night it would be easy for everyone to afford to go. (that and i could eat at the Peppermill everyday, love dinner food!) You can get really good group rates for shows and banquet spaces are really inexpensive. Doing a JP wedding before hand and just taking everyone on a vacation sounds better to me. I think its time for traditions to change in this country and start getting back to basics and what really matters.

(we ruled it out because we each have some family members who could not fly medically, to bad!)

I'd rather pay off our tractor than have a big wedding!

LittleCrazyWolf said:

Add me to the list of people who opted out of a large, costly wedding. DH and I are both uncomfortable being in the spotlight and neither of us wanted a big fuss. We invited out parents and our four closest friends to watch us get married by our town mayor. Afterwards we took everyone out for a very nice lunch.

I look at pictures of my wedding day and wouldn't change a single thing. My favorite picture is of me, DH, and our beautiful son (almost 3 years old at the time)...we were all smiling like crazy and just so happy.

I think people need to do what makes them happy and the only person you need to compromise with is the person you are spending the rest of your life with. Your wedding should be a celebration and confirmation of your love and commitment for each other. Some couples love a big, expensive party and being surrounded by a 100 people, while other people shudder at the thought.

If planning your wedding is stressing you out or draining your pockets then you and your love should reassess what you really want.

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My better half is like that, hates any attention what so ever, me, I'm fine with it i'm a salesperson to the bone and am used to being at big conventions engaging with people and drawing a crowd. We could have the wedding at our house and rent out a local restraint on a sunday afternoon i bet. We live in a small town and some of the places don't open at all on sundays anyways, thats a thought.

It's a drag day and everything's covered in snow the view is 10 times better in the summer.

I've been married for 43 years (in May). In the world of weddings, this was a much simpler time, a time when people put flowers in their hair, found an officiant, and went to a park or field with friends and family. Maybe a toast after, maybe a picnic, maybe not. Or, what we did - married in a church in the afternoon, the reception at my parents' house and my Mom made finger sandwiches and punch. The cake was made by a lady who had a small business, my dress was a sample (dress and veil $100). Our families are small, so all were able to be included. If it was an evening wedding the dinner and dance was held at a local VFW.

My kids both had weddings more in the style of today. It is more expensive than eloping, but it doesn't have to be crazy. There is a wedding industry that is flourishing, for sure. But you don't have to buy into it. You don't have to have a limo, fancy clothing, expensive meals, etc. for a wedding to be lovely. Be creative and make it about what is important to you. I would spend the money for a good photographer, as that is what is ultimately left once
all is said and done. And as a parent, there is something so special about dancing at your child's wedding.

It sounds like you have your priorities straight. Do what feels right to you, so that the memory of your wedding day is how you want it to be and fits right in with the other memories you cherish. Perfect is different for everyone.

A wedding in a back yard can be gorgeous and maybe everything her mom would like. It really is nice to give a dying parent something they would like, but then I am like that. What fun it would be to decorate a big barn if you have one and have the wedding there. With lost of little white lights any yard, especially one with a barn could turn into a wonderful fairyland for a princess. Living in a small town you might even be able to find some locals to help with the food. Flowers can be simple vases with local flowers. I would find a tractor mold and make up soaps as favors! Those would be really cute. There are just ways to get things together to make all of you happy, and I am bet mom would love it to. Good luck to the two of you!

My oldest daughter had her wedding in a relatives huge back yard and it was gorgeous. We did most of the decorating ourselves, but I did have a caterer, because I just did not have the time to do the cooking. All in all the biggest expense was my daughter dress 10k although not necessary, she really wanted it so I gave in. It started at 5k but spent as much having it reworked. Without the dress her wedding would have cost around 10K, and would have been a lot less if we had supplied our own food. Her sister was offered 10k cash & the Laughlin River Boat or a church wedding, she went for the cash and Laughlin, purchased a condo then lost the condo during the economic crash. She now wishes she had the larger wedding. Problem with Vegas and Laughlin Weddings, be prepared for soused Justices of the Peace. After 44 yrs I still remember my beautiful church wedding, with a reception in the church hall then party most of the night at each parents house. It was lovely and not hugely expensive, according to my mom. I was so happy I had the church wedding with my dad there to walk me down the isle, and I still look at the pictures. I only saw my daddy a few more times after we were married, he passed away 5 months later. I have always cherished the picture of my Dad and I in front of the Church

Oh my goodness, I just saw your picture, what a fantastical place to have a wedding