When someone calls you an "old lady" for making soap

So yeah, I make soap. Probably could've guessed that since I'm on this forum!

I work at a chemical plant and have all male co-workers. Some time ago after about 6 months of working there, one of my co-workers (the youngest, only one year older than me) said "you're like an old lady, you make soap, and you have dogs". FYI I'm 22 YO

I told him "well, I don't think soap making makes me an old lady and anyone can have dogs"

Secretly I just think he was jealous that people were actually interested in me talking about my soap making and old puppies.

I guess even though I shouldn't care, it still didn't exactly feel good. What actually upset me the most was that he used the term "old lady" like it was a bad thing to age. I think having my soap making hobby, a full time job, selling my soap (gradually and carefully), having 2 dogs, and being in a relationship are fantasic. If that makes me an "old lady" then thats just fine by me!

Anyone else have to deal with soapmaker stigmas?

Not directly. People who speak with me are generally very interested in the whole idea. I have seen some talk about Old Ladies regarding making soap, but as old ladies are pretty awesome, I take it with a good nature.

Peoples eyes often glaze over when I start talking about soap. The chemist in me really comes out and I start to explain things in waay too much detail. Every once in a while though, you meet people who are like that too. Even if its not with soap. I met a legal brewer of whiskey this weekend and as he explained all of the chemistry/ steps he goes through and I showed interest he was giddy with excitement.

And yes, old ladies rock!

Always remember that there are idiots in the world, and they often open their mouths before their brain is engaged. Ignore and move on. He probably wanted you to be interested in him, and when you weren't, he said the ugliest thing he could think of.

ETA-He sounds incredibly immature, so it is good he showed his true colors like that.

I agree with Susie, there are a lot of idiots out there. I would just let it roll off your shoulders. Tell him about the little girl who started her own soap business (The Little Bubble ) I think she's like 10 years old. If that makes her an old lady I'll eat my hat. LOL I've never had anyone tell me I was like an old lady because I'm a soapmaker. I am getting old though and I feel old too a lot of days.

Just be proud of what your're doing and have fun.

Thanks guys! I'm really liking all of the people on this forum. I feel like I'm learning about more than just soap.

galaxyMLP said:

So yeah, I make soap. Probably could've guessed that since I'm on this forum!

I work at a chemical plant and have all male co-workers. Some time ago after about 6 months of working there, one of my co-workers (the youngest, only one year older than me) said "you're like an old lady, you make soap, and you have dogs".

Click to expand...

Hahaha! I AM an old lady of 68 and I have eight dogs AND I make soap! :-D

So they can call me an old lady if they want and I'm proud to have made it this far!

Galaxy ... it's most likely not a soapmaker stigma you're encountering. I'm more inclined to think it's the fact that you work in a chemical plant and are trying to fit into that mostly-male social structure -- and the guys don't really know what to do with you.

I'm sure there are at least a few guys you work with who are not the most mature, considerate males on the planet. Whether you make soap or not, some of those fellas are going to find a way to yank your chain for no other reason than just to get a rise out of you -- it's their attempt at humor, however lame it might be. Some of them may honestly not understand how hard their teasing is on you -- it's just the way guys relate and they don't know any better. Others understand perfectly what might be going on from your perspective, but they know no other way to fit you into their world as they understand it -- there aren't many social rules. They know how to relate to women as daughters, wives, girlfriends, secretaries, teachers, etc. ... but not as a lone woman on third shift in a chemical plant. There might even be a few who are resentful and would like to put you firmly in "your place". Those are the ones with a grudge and are worth being wary of.

Your soap and your dogs just happen to be the things they've latched onto because these guys can sense you're passionate about them.

Take it from someone who has been there too. Been accused of being a lesbian because I worked in a chemical plant and didn't have kids (although I was married ... to a guy ... at the time, but I guess that didn't count). Been teased because they thought I wouldn't like to do girly things like embroidery and cooking just cuz I was an engineer in a chemical plant. Been greeted by a male equipment rep come to help us out with major equipment problems as the "little lady he was wanting to meet" rather than the engineer in charge. Been given a table (not a desk ... a table) in the middle of a chem lab for my "office" when all the (male) engineers had decent cubicle spaces in a room away from noise and bustle. I could go on.

It took me a long time to figure out how to respond to this type of thing with sturdy humor and grace, but that was the best solution in the long run -- or at least it has been for me.

The alternatives I've seen are to become as crude and tough as some of the guys are -- but you can never, ever be "one of the guys"; this will only turn you into a "b**ch. Or one can over analyze and worry about what "I'm doing wrong" -- but you'll drive yourself crazy doing that because there's really nothing wrong with you. Or you can just become closed-in and defensive -- but you'll become exactly the person you probably least want to be if you do that. All are painful places to be.

Wise words, DeeAnna, however, I wear the nomicker '*****' with pride. Babe In Total Control of Herself I actually love working with men, have had few issues with them once they figure me out. I think like a man more than like a woman, frankly. You may too.

Etc ooops, triggered the naughty word filter, sorry!

Eh, jealous people will say anything rude. One of my "friends" here in town still can't figure out why I go to such trouble to make soap when you can get 12 bars for $5 at Costco.
Your person sounds like he's conjuring up commercialized images of quilting bees from the 1800's.

Edited: can't type

Yes, Ann, I usually work well with men and always have. At age 22, however, I was a quiet, introverted person, fairly tongue tied and unsure, so it took awhile to grow into myself and develop the ability to have a good comeback to someone's teasing. It also didn't help that I was the youngest engineer in the entire company and the youngest person on the staff of the chemical plant in which I worked. Now that I'm older and gotten a better sense of who I am, my life as a geeky girl-engineer type goes more smoothly and pleasantly.

Getting back to Galaxy -- It's the "guys having to figure her out" part that I sense is Galaxy's problem -- for example, the story she tells is from when she had been on the job only 6 months. Male co-workers are sometimes like puppies and children -- ya gotta train 'em about what's acceptable and what's not. The process works best with a good dose of tact, patience and humor, not harshness, but finding that just-right level of kind firmness can be a challenge sometimes.

I also work in a male dominated industry. DeeAnna's right, some guys will just say stuff to see how you react, or to get a rise.

If I liked him, I would have threatened to put my soap in a sock and beat him with it, if I didnt I would have ignored him, but thats just me

I keep a bowl of soap at my office and everyone cycles through and grabs what they like, but the gang here appreciates people who can make things I guess.

"Bless your heart." (That's Southern for eff you.)

I was received so warmly here I did make the "little old ladies" comment once on another forum (to which I already owned up to). As Craig said, Little Old Ladies (regardless of their age) is an affectionate and complimentary term in my book.

I man I felt like someone was going to set me down and tell me a I needed to eat because it was all so familiar!

Deeana- wow! That must've been hard to deal with. I hear the much higher ups for us (at the parent company) do not respect most of the women engineers.

He is actually the only one who I get a negative vibe from. I think because he is so close in age to me he feels threatened especially because I'm a woman. I also got hired for a new position at the same plant and I heard he wasn't too happy. I think he might be "a bad apple spoiling the bunch".

I've already worked at a place where I felt uncomfortable around my boss because I am a woman (lewd comments and things you generally shouldn't have to deal with). I left that company and I feel that this is a much more inviting workplace that I am at now.

I hate to blame it on the male-female interactions but it seems thats what this probably was. Thankfully, working in a male dominated workplace I'm finding that this is often not the case. People generally have immense respect for me despite my age and gender. I take pride in what I do!

ETA: I am also becoming much better at the whole " humor/walking a fine line thing" there is definitely a balance. I'm learning to be stern but also present any stern remark with a bit of humor so that it is taken better. Its been 3 months since that comment and I've been on nights for 2 of those. By myself.

Well said deeanna but I don't necessarily agree with the "you can't be one of the guys" I worked with men in a small company and after the initial adjustment period (they were paranoid I would go all sexist on them), they treated me just like one of the guys. It got to the point that some of them even acted like they forgot I was a women.

It was a great environment to work in and I had a blast with them. If I would have been the type of women to get offended by stupid men saying stupid man things, it would have been a whole different story. Unless someone seems to be purposely trying to offend you or be hurtful, its best to just let it roll off your back.

There are at least 3 guys I directly work with that treat me like "one of the guys" they invite me out for drinks with them, respect me, ect. So I do think its generally possible. Just not with everyone I guess. I tend to be very open which usually works well.

Soap and old ladies

Well, I am an old lady (75) and just started making soap last fall; and I have a dog and cat; but as you say, lots of young people have pets and make soap. Home made soap was something all women made decades ago. If they didn't, there would have been dirty husbands and kids and no clean clothes!

When dealing with ignorant or rude people, just remember that what they think of you is none of your business. That's their problem, not yours

June

galaxyMLP said:

So yeah, I make soap. Probably could've guessed that since I'm on this forum!

I work at a chemical plant and have all male co-workers. Some time ago after about 6 months of working there, one of my co-workers (the youngest, only one year older than me) said "you're like an old lady, you make soap, and you have dogs". FYI I'm 22 YO

I told him "well, I don't think soap making makes me an old lady and anyone can have dogs"

Secretly I just think he was jealous that people were actually interested in me talking about my soap making and old puppies.

I guess even though I shouldn't care, it still didn't exactly feel good. What actually upset me the most was that he used the term "old lady" like it was a bad thing to age. I think having my soap making hobby, a full time job, selling my soap (gradually and carefully), having 2 dogs, and being in a relationship are fantasic. If that makes me an "old lady" then thats just fine by me!

Anyone else have to deal with soapmaker stigmas?

Click to expand...

I would not have been insulted, I would have taken as a joke and gave him back as good as I got, saying something like, yeah well some of us are smart enough to make it and the others go to the store and buy it. I would have been laughing as I said this and really wouldn't have meant it as an insult, just a tit for tat, lighthearted ribbing.

I first started making soap when I was 24 or so. It is a bit of an "old lady hobby" - vs say drinking or skiing or something. Some people are "wild and crazy" at 22 and some people prefer quieter pursuits.