I've been married 3 times, so have some experience with weddings. Plus planning my son's wedding to take place upon his & DIL's return to the US gives me hands-on experience with 4 weddings.
My first wedding was a very large, extravagant church wedding and reception paid for and mostly planned by my parents. I was too young to marry (but stubbornly did not see that at the time) and took everything for granted and didn't even choose my own music. I would never recommend such a thing to anyone. I barely remember anything about my first wedding other than hundreds of people attended in a church that is no longer there and the Tower of the Hotel where we had the reception no longer exists. The wedding itself was far too stress producing for my parents, IMO, and I cared little at the time, which makes the whole thing rather disappointing as a life experience. If you want lots of wedding gifts and lots of wedding showers, this is one way to go, but I am not that much of a material girl. (perhaps I was then, but I would hate to believe that about myself)
My second wedding was my first experience similar to your own, RalphTheMastiff, where we did all our own planning and preparation. we were both mature adults with 4 teen-aged sons between us, well-established in our respective professions and much more stable as human beings, very much in love, of course, but much more responsible and capable of choosing wisely. It was a much better way to go, doing our own planning and preparation. I appreciated the process much more by doing it myself as a mature adult than I ever did as that self-absorbed teen-ager of my past. Our venue was a Forested Park near where we lived, where we had the wedding and reception all in one location. I did all the flowers myself, but we did hire a caterer for the meal and a DJ to handle the music. We chose our music carefully and I do remember the songs, the dances, almost everything about the wedding and reception. It was also a largish wedding, although not quite as large as my first. But we had so many family, friends and co-workers that we chose to invite about 150 guests. So not too large. And my niece who was my flower girl is the niece I visit most often, although I do have to admit I only have 2 nieces.
After my second husband died, I did not think I would ever fall in love again, let alone marry or have a wedding and reception again. But several years later, I met my current husband and as two more mature (elderly, as my teen-aged self would have called us) adults both with previous huge weddings behind us, this time we chose for a very small wedding. We decided the easiest way to achieve that was to marry in the Tahoe area, which we both enjoyed in previous trips together. We invited only a few immediate family and a couple of close friends. All told, we probably had less than a dozen guests at our wedding and reception. We did all the reception planning and preparation ourselves, but had a bit of help from one of our good friends in the choosing of wedding dress, snacks, etc. The wedding itself was a 'package wedding' at one of the Tahoe locations, but we chose it in advance, so it was less like eloping, but the same kind of package one can choose from when a couple elopes to Tahoe (or Vegas, etc.)
My son and DIL asked us to plan their wedding for them to take place in Vegas when they returned from Mexico several years ago. So we did all the planning for that wedding, too. There was no reception because the only people present besides my husband and myself, my DIL, son and granddaughter, was one of my DIL's brothers. We chose the venue based on it's proximity to our timeshare in Vegas and it turned out to be a lovely setting with gorgeous pink flamingos as well as other tropical wildlife in and around the setting. The only thing my DIL had to do was choose a wedding dress when she arrived. For them the wedding was just what they wanted.
So what would I suggest to anyone getting married after these experiences of my own? If you put your own planning and effort into it, it will mean more to you than if you let someone else do all the work. If you don't really care that much to put the effort and planning into it, then hire someone else to do that part of it for you, but pay attention when they want to discuss it with you and assert your desires. If you don't really care who attends, let someone else decide on the guest list, but act interested at least and welcome and thank each and every guest who is there to celebrate your marriage. Send hand-written formal thank-you notes to each and every gift giver (I've been on the 'receiving' end of not receiving a thank you for wedding/shower gifts - It is beyond rude). Give gifts to your helpers (best-man; bride's maids, parents, flower-girl, ring-bearer, etc.) to show your appreciation for their marvelous service. Be patient and loving toward your spouse-to-be as this can be a very stressful event, before, during and after.