Teaching Soap

My sister in law has asked me to teach a friend of hers how to make soap. I don't want to do it and by no means do I consider myself even the least bit qualified. She wants me to haul all my soaping stuff up to Wisconsin (3 hour drive one way). How do I nicely say no? I told her I'd think about it, but my immediate reaction was NO. And I still feel the same way. I don't want to seem selfish in not sharing my limited knowledge. Any advice? Thanks everyone!

I have too many ideas for you:

Maybe you just have to explain what would go into packing up your supplies and tools. She may not realize what a big deal this would be.

Give her homework, first. Select good videos that show her what she needs to know (safety, technique, etc), and links to good information here. Tell her it's for her own safety. By the time she's done with that, she might either give up, or be bitten by the bug and try it on her own.

I believe workshops and classes usually have a course fee AND and supply fee and often require the student to come with their own tools in hand. Presenting it in that light might give them pause. Or, suggest that they find a workshop or class that is closer to them.

Or, maybe the polite way is the truth: "I am not comfortable teaching yet. After I've been soaping for ___ years (or other milestone), I will be happy to teach your friend." I know that probably sounds easier than it is-- sister-in-law relationships can be tricky.

You could politely decline and state that your strengths are in crafting, not instruction (not all people can or want to teach). Maybe do the legwork for her and find someone in her friend's area that does provide classes.

Good luck

Saying "No" to things you don't want to do is just about the most important self-care skill there is. I would just go with, "No thanks, not interested." Full Stop. If pressed for a reason (rude as that would be) just say you don't have time for a six-hour round trip.

Refer the person here, and don't tell them your user name.

Lugging all your supplies on a 3-hour drive to do something you don't really want to do is worthy of a "no".

If you want to compromise, you could say that SIL and her friend are welcome to visit you sometime in your home on a soaping day to watch the process. I know it's a pain trying to make soap with people around (and you're more liable to mess it up!) but it could be a compromise that makes your SIL a little happier than a flat "no".

Why not ask her to make the 6 hour trip?

I also agree with BrewerGeorge that saying no is a wonderful feeling.

"No." is a complete sentence. You don't owe her any explanations if you choose to say no. If she presses, treat her like a little kid. "Because I said no! Now go to your room!" Er, ok, maybe skip that last bit.

Or... you could tell her "Sure, I'll be glad to drive up there and teach your friend, but I'm not lugging all that gear. Here's a shopping list. Let me know when you've got it all and we can schedule a time." And don't take a darn thing on the trip but yourself if they ever do get all the gear together. If she complains about getting the gear, then tell her "Fine, you can come here. I am NOT hauling all this stuff six hours for one or two batches of soap."

Thank you everyone I really appreciate all your advice! She lives in Madison, so there must be a soaping class there, I'll see if I can find anything to refer her to. That's a good idea, I do think just simply explaining that I am not a teacher and am not qualified to teach should be explanation enough. Haha, good idea to refer her here and not tell her my user name LOL, that one cracked me up!

Making soap and teaching soap making are two entirely different things. Teaching takes a LOT of time and energy to do it well, and if your heart isn't 100% into this idea, then don't. Saying yes to this is a good way to set yourself up for resentment and hard feelings. Better your SIL and her friend be unhappy than you be unhappy, right?

There is no "Iowa nice" way of saying "no" without actually using the word "no" in a situation like this. Yes, you can be polite about it, but I'm with Brewer George -- there's no need to make long explanations, half truths, and torturous excuses. Just say something to the effect of "no, it's not something you want to do" and leave it at that.

***

I have given presentations around my local community about the history of sleigh bells (which is what I work with in my day job). More and more people, complete strangers, were wanting me to give a 20-30 minute presentation ... usually evenings or weekends, unpaid, at a location of their choice. I got in the habit of saying "yes" because ... well ... it's the Iowa Nice thing to do, right?

I realized my heart wasn't into it after doing about 3 of these events this past winter, all scheduled in the few hectic weeks of our busy holiday season. I was just doing it because people asked me to, not because I got much out of it. Enough already.

The next time an utter stranger called me about giving a presentation to some social group she belonged to, I politely but briefly explained that I had recently decided to not give presentations any more. She blurted out in annoyance, "But if you won't do this, then what am I supposed to do NOW?" And I said I didn't know and I repeated the statement that I was not going to give these presentations any more. (I really wanted to say "That's not my problem, laydee!" but I didn't.)

She tried a couple more times to push me into saying yes, but I just politely repeated something to the effect that "I appreciate your concerns, but I am not going to give these presentations anymore." When she finally realized I was not going to sing her tune ... she hung up on me. So I learned that saying "no" sometimes can have awkward and uncomfortable repercussions, but I feel far better about sticking to my guns than I would have felt if I'd caved, despite having to endure that person's rudeness. The practice I got with her has been good -- I got yet another request recently and I found it was much easier to give my polite refusal.

***

PS: Madison, you say? Maybe these folks will offer their class again: https://www.facebook.com/events/245092749255059/

mommycarlson said:

.. I'll see if I can find anything to refer her to.

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This is how I learned soap making and pretty much every new hobby I take on. www.youtube.com

There are a lot of great people that teach by doing. Watch enough videos of something you can get a good understanding.

jbrewton said:

This is how I learned soap making and pretty much every new hobby I take on. www.youtube.com

There are a lot of great people that teach by doing. Watch enough videos of something you can get a good understanding.

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This is true, and assuming the people asking aren't completely clueless about technology, asking for a personal teacher instead of using YouTube like everybody else seems a bit lazy - like they don't care enough to do the work of research themselves and just want to be spoon-fed.

Our school district community ed department offers a class on CP soap making. I know at least one other school district offers a similar class because a friend of my cousin (a teacher in the district) asked if I would teach a class. I told her I wasn't experienced enough (I'd only been making soap for 10 months at that point), and it thankfully hasn't come up again.

I would bet that Madison has a similar community ed class.

BrewerGeorge said:

This is true, and assuming the people asking aren't completely clueless about technology, asking for a personal teacher instead of using YouTube like everybody else seems a bit lazy - like they don't care enough to do the work of research themselves and just want to be spoon-fed.

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This is an unfortunately increasingly common attitude. I know adults who, when faced with a need to acquire information new to them will do just about everything BUT actually look it up themselves. And I've encountered more times than I can track the situation where 'teach me' or 'help me' really means 'do it for me.' Nope, not gonna.

Presenting your SIL and her friend with a list of videos and websites vetted for good/accurate information seems to me like a good alternative. "Here, read these, watch the videos. These folks teach better than I could."

I might be tempted to look up soapmaking classes for her, but really she should do that herself if she really wants to take a class. If she can't make that much of an effort to find a way to learn something, then she isn't going to put that much effort into learning to do it properly.

Here is my suggestion: Send her this link with the explanation that you are not a certified instructor, but here is a way to find one. Some people want an actual instructor, and there is nothing wrong with that. Here is a way for her to find one.

I live 3 hrs from my sister and I am always the one doing the driving. Lately I've begun to say I'm coming up next on Aug 20 and get her to work around that date. Finally she's getting the idea!

Saying no is tough. You have to have an explanation and you have many: the obvious one: you can't cart all the gear around.

You tube is a great alternative. One that I never thought of for myself. Suggest some good you tubers to them and tell your SIL to ring if they have problems and everybody wins!

So many great suggestions, you guys are the best! I should have posted here immediately instead of agonizing for 3 days Thank you so much! I am feeling more courageous about saying NO!

Just said no. My co-worker ask me to teach her to make soap but I refused as I said to her that I am not expert and I am not good in explaining. I give her some videos of soaping 101 and soap queen to as well as the link in here. She's not happy but I am looking after the health and safety, I don't want to be sued if something happen.

a lot of people ask me this on Market, I say no, I am sorry but my insurance will not cover other students, just myself, then send them to Candora , supplier she teach classes.