Avoidance issues

I just found another one I have to avoid: the idea that the pH of soap is safe for dogs. Related: detergents are all Harmful Chemicals, but handmade soap is All Natural, and therefore safe (and better) for everyone all the time.

earlene said:

What to have on your pizza?

Luckily I never have a problem with my husband and what to order on our pizza. Thankfully. Sometimes he orders a meaty pizza and I get my own olives pizza. Then we have enough leftovers for a couple of more meals, so that works well for us!

What do I avoid commenting on in regards to forums or other social media or even verbally (except when my husband and I are alone together and no one else can hear us)? Religion, especially radically intolerant religious attitudes.

Persecution or abuse of people I will not stay silent about, however. I prefer not to participate in discussions such as those, but when I see it happening, I cannot stand by and be silent, because I feel a moral & societal obligation to intervene.

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About 15 years ago I read about a man who murdered his wife. When the police were interviewing him he confessed that the argument that spiraled out of control was what to have on the pizza they were ordering.

Kamahido said:

About 15 years ago I read about a man who murdered his wife. When the police were interviewing him he confessed that the argument that spiraled out of control was what to have on the pizza they were ordering.

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The local radio station reports "the Bizarre Files" fro. Across the country. A good percentage of those stories have to do with people going into a rage over food! Things like, who got the last piece of chicken!

Kamahido said:

About 15 years ago I read about a man who murdered his wife. When the police were interviewing him he confessed that the argument that spiraled out of control was what to have on the pizza they were ordering.

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A few months ago a man killed his wife on a cruise with their children because he said she laughed at him! So very sad. Apparently she was a lovely, nice, kind woman. He must have just snapped.

...and here we are, back to watching train wrecks, deleting posts before sending, cringing and biting our tongues. Or, am I the only one?

Unfortunately, if people who know what they are talking about bite their tongues, then the loud crowd with no idea or messed up ideas are the ones who post which means that the information given out is bad at best. My view - the forum is primarily a place about making soap, so if someone is upset when I call them out on something about that then, within reason, too bad. This isn't a camp fire circle where we sing kumbaya. I try to be as nice as I can about it, but my dry sense of humour and my lack of tolerance for fools makes that hard at times. I do step away often, all being said, because the contra information is already there and I don't have time to waste anymore.

The Efficacious Gentleman said:

Unfortunately, if people who know what they are talking about bite their tongues, then the loud crowd with no idea or messed up ideas are the ones who post which means that the information given out is bad at best.

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Oh, I know that. This is just me-- I step into a post that I know is going to be like that when I'm personally better off not watching the back-and-forth. Worse- out of frustration, I start to compose posts that are just more of what's already been said. At that point, my post would be redundant.

The Efficacious Gentleman said:

Unfortunately, if people who know what they are talking about bite their tongues, then the loud crowd with no idea or messed up ideas are the ones who post which means that the information given out is bad at best. My view - the forum is primarily a place about making soap, so if someone is upset when I call them out on something about that then, within reason, too bad. This isn't a camp fire circle where we sing kumbaya. I try to be as nice as I can about it, but my dry sense of humour and my lack of tolerance for fools makes that hard at times. I do step away often, all being said, because the contra information is already there and I don't have time to waste anymore.

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I feel much the same way. But I am going to have to stop responding to this particular individual directly. Indeed, I have blocked him. I will, however, be forced to put true information out there in response to the people who know no better that are interacting with him. I don't know any other way to stop feeding this troll, yet put truth out for those poor newbies. If the mod/mins can suggest anything, I am most willing to try them.

The Efficacious Gentleman said:

I do step away often, all being said, because the contra information is already there and I don't have time to waste anymore.

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While revisiting the "trainwreck," I hit a limit this morning and wrote a response. I even hit the send button. A glitch prevented it from posting, but by that time, you and a couple others already responded with the very things I wanted to say.

artemis said:

While revisiting the "trainwreck," I hit a limit this morning and wrote a response. I even hit the send button. A glitch prevented it from posting, but by that time, you and a couple others already responded with the very things I wanted to say.

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I am so glad it is not just me!

Could be I'm causing you issues and don't realize it. But if it's what I think it is, it's too confusing to be understood. Might just be me being dense though.

SudsanSoaps said:

Could be I'm causing you issues and don't realize it. But if it's what I think it is, it's too confusing to be understood. Might just be me being dense though.

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You are not the problem. I promise. If you look at some of the newest threads, you will find it.

SudsanSoaps said:

But if it's what I think it is, it's too confusing to be understood. Might just be me being dense though.

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It's an on going phenomenon. Someone thinks they've hit on some deep truth. They come here and talk as if all these experienced soapers are just not smart enough to have thought of these things before. I sit back and cringe while I watch the fallout.

It's like being at an awkward family Thanksgiving dinner.

I might have to tie my hands to my chair and bite my tongue bloody, but I'm going to stick to my resolve to not fall down the rabbit hole any more.

No, Suds, it's not you. Definitely not!

DeeAnna said:

I might have to tie my hands to my chair and bite my tongue bloody, but I'm going to stick to my resolve to not fall down the rabbit hole any more.

No, Suds, it's not you. Definitely not!

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I have enough understanding to know if something IS wrong, but not enough to explain WHY it's wrong. So I wait patiently and watch for you to step in and explain.

But there are only so many times you can explain the same thing without getting frustrated.

What artemis said. It wasn't long ago that I was a complete newbie and had questions about EVERYTHING. I can't even imagine trying to sort through some of this and make sense of it as a new soaper.

So, even if you don't want to go far enough into the rabbit hole to risk falling to the bottom, I hope you will at least continue to add your thoughts and share your knowledge when you see it is needed. All of you who provide the scientific information as well as those who can share from experience. I hope you know how valuable you are.

Suds, it is terrific that you checked, because we can all tell you it's not you!

I hope there isn't too many others that feel how you did.

I would also like to say...if it's me im so sorry! I'm new here and I'm sure my ignorance is just shining through. But I'm certainly not trying to offend anyone or insult anyone. For goodness sake, you guys are brilliant!

Hi jenlwhi2, your recent gift bag thread has been most enjoyable ... please don't worry

You're fine, Jenlwhi2. Not to worry!

***

There are a few who don't understand by posting in SMF they are participating in a community of real people. A community stays healthy by respectful conversation, healthy debates, and mutual sharing. A community isn't about some people competing to win at the expense of others -- it's about the art of pleasant conversation, a dose healthy compromise, knowing when to "agree to disagree", the ability to stay open minded and not make assumptions about others, and a willingness to "give a little to get a little."

Some are not able to or choose not to learn this lesson in getting along with others. They bluntly express their theories or ideas in black and white terms. They show quick contempt for others' point of view. They are often argumentative, rude, or combative. They quickly take refuge in "I'm right because I said so!" defense or "If I yell loudly enough, I must be right!" tactic. They can make blunt demands (gimme a recipe NOW!) with no intention of sharing in return.

The sad thing is that many of these people don't realize that lightening up, slowing down, and mellowing out would help them fit in and get their needs met in a less stressful way. (I also think a small few thrive on the discord and have no intention of fitting in.)

All of us are human and we all fall short of being perfect members of this or any community. (And, yes, I'm musing on my own failures as I write this!) Most of us, however, fall short only on occasion, and others are habitual offenders.