When someone calls you an "old lady" for making soap

I've never been called an old lady for making soap BUT I have been called that b/c I crochet and sew quilts. I started crocheting around age 20 which is young for a hobby that usually an older generation does but I still enjoy all my hobbies no matter what anyone says.

From a guy's perspective - I don't know what your co-worker's intent was, because I wasn't there, but in general, men do not take such things seriously. Get a group of guys together and we will often make fun of anything and everything another guy does - all in humor. Sometimes, we forget that women were born on Venus and that our humor is not so funny to beings from that planet (that was a joke). He may like you and that was his way of hinting that you should set down your soap and kick up your heels. Then again, maybe he was simply raised as a rude person.

Very true, McSpin. I worked for years at a large engineering firm here in the Boston area as a project administrator. I babysat 40 engineers and they were afraid of me, as they should have been! But one thing they knew was I was the most unoffendable woman they'd ever worked with. For a reason, as far as I was concerned. I gave as good as I got, but they were a great bunch of guys (and ladies, however, they were fewer, by far!).

I have always been crafty. I learned how to knit and crochet when I was very young, my grandmother taught me. I sewed, quilted, did counted cross-stitch, all sorts of crafts, and not once did I consider them to be 'little old lady' occupations. Might be because I'm older, or from the midwest, or maybe I just grew up in a family where this was all normal. I'd laugh at anyone who called me that because I was crafty.

I intended for the phrase "being one of the guys" to mean the idea of literally trying to act like one of the guys, complete with crude humor, rough talk, macho behavior, the whole shebang. I know some women who do that and are content to be that kind of person. Not me. "Being accepted as part of the crew" is a different matter entirely, and I can do that very well and can more than pull my weight.

Believe me, I didn't descend to their level. I have a quick wit - totally appropriate, and know how to let a person know they've gone too far without upsetting or offending. It's an art you develop working with varying people. Ok, off to the spin soap challenge!

reinbeau said:

Believe me, I didn't descend to their level. I have a quick wit - totally appropriate, and know how to let a person know they've gone too far without upsetting or offending. It's an art you develop working with varying people. Ok, off to the spin soap challenge!

Click to expand...

Ha ah I have a quick wit as well, but mine is often considered inappropriate for a woman so I try to only use it if I think the person will not take it the wrong way. I really hate when I offend someone that I was not trying to insult. It is sometimes a struggle for me because I don't seem to have the same sensitivity as many people. The internet can be very challenging because people can not see my facial expression to judge how to take my comments.

Sounds like you and I have much the same approach, Ann.

The wisdom I've gained from age says to ignore this boy. He has not experienced much yet, and has a lot to learn.

McSpin said:

From a guy's perspective - I don't know what your co-worker's intent was, because I wasn't there, but in general, men do not take such things seriously. Get a group of guys together and we will often make fun of anything and everything another guy does - all in humor. Sometimes, we forget that women were born on Venus and that our humor is not so funny to beings from that planet (that was a joke). He may like you and that was his way of hinting that you should set down your soap and kick up your heels. Then again, maybe he was simply raised as a rude person.

Click to expand...

This ^^^^. A 'word of wisdom' line that my hubby always says to the gals in our family whenever we run into situations like yours, Galaxy, is 'Men are pigs'.

Not that he means that men are all hateful beings or anything like that, for hubby treats me and the women in our family like gold (his favorite 'word of wisdom' line to the guys in the family goes, 'Happy wife, happy life', lol), but as he tells the gals, men 'generally' don't rely so much on the same parts of the brain that we gals 'generally' do, which makes it more easy for them be less easily offended by insulting words (whether intentionally spoken or not) than we gals 'generally' are. Where men generally tend to brush off a perceived insult like so much dust, we gals generally tend to feel like we need to have an anvil lifted off of us.

I've been called all sorts of names all my life by different people for who knows what different reason. Those that spoke them were either most likely projecting their own unhappiness in their life upon me, had never learned any manners and didn't know any better, or I else I may have totally misread things and no insult was actually intended at all. I used to take every single one of them to heart, though, which would ruin days, weeks months and years of my life. I finally came to a point that I said enough! Why should I let such things rule me, especially if they may not even have been intended? It's not worth it to rent the prime real estate in my mind out to such things, so I just don't anymore.

Sure, certain negative words spoken to me might rattle me when first spoken and there may be a little struggle to let them go and get on with my life, but it's not long before they are ceremoniously kicked to the proverbial curb, because, goodness, I've got a million and one better things I want to do!

My words of wisdom? Count your blessings as opposed to the negatives; humor and words of kindness have a miraculous way of disarming people and winning the day more times than not; and- the best revenge is to live a joyful, positive life. :mrgreen:


IrishLass

For some reason it won't let me "like" any posts on my phone. So I'll just say it. Thank you all for the kind words and advice.

Aye - I bet if you were 10 and in the playground, he'd be pulling your hair and saying you have "cooties". Alas, too many men can't really articulate their feelings accurately.

Lots of apropos comments here.

He also is lacking knowledge about his generation and a resurgence of interest in learning crafts and being more self sufficient.

Another fact: you can do something he can't do!! :angel:

Don't be too offended. As you find your comfort zone, it will matter less what people say about you. I have been told I look like a bag lady more times than I can count (started in my 20's) because I don't care about clothes, called a crazy cat lady because I have my own cats and fostered for an animal shelter. It just makes me laugh. I love working with guys; they are different and have different sensibilities oftentimes than women, but I thoroughly enjoy it. I wouldn't if someone were mean or abusive of course, but young man with the old lady comment probably just needed a sharp and witty retort thrown back at him.

IL, it is hard to imagine someone who would be unkind to you, you are so nice and kind. I am glad that you are able to disregard the words and know that they are just boneheads and not good at doing the talking thing.

Re: dealing w/men, or people who are different from you, that is a tough thing.

I am a woman, worked as a lawyer in a big ass fancy law firm in my last long term job (it was not uncommon for the other - usually male- lawyers to assume I was the court reporter in depositions where there were a bunch of us.) That part was not fun.

But one of my best friends was someone I completely disagreed with in a lot of ways (he was a milky white/blonde, Southern Republican, but so smart and a good, good guy.) And my boss was a Mormon who definitely offended me deeply at times, but he really cared about me, he was probably the best boss I have ever had.

I don't know where I am going with this, maybe just that I am glad that people often surprise you for the better!

I've never gotten "old lady" comments from soapmaking... Though I have gotten them for knitting! It's probably in part because I'm quieter about the soapmaking, and by the time I started it I was surrounded more by people who understood that crafting is not age-related.

I have received the old lady comments about my knitting, for sure! And don't get me started about what I hear when I mention that I spin my own yarn!! (Yes, I have stopped saying spinning, because they just get confused about the exercise thing) Around here, where I have often commented that I feel like I might live in Stepford, I am more likely to get "dirty hippie" jokes about my soap making. Or eyerolls about my level of commitment to "everything natural" (which is funny, because I'm not that committed!!)

I too am a female engineer, who has worked in mostly male environments. I'll say that I prefer those to the mostly female environments in which I have worked, because I tend to be more direct than the general stereotype female prefers. That bit me on the hiney more than once, until I learned better how to gauge my audience before engaging!! I don't have any advice about that part of your post, but I think you've received good advice from some of the other commenters

My friends and I all have very "old-lady" hobbies, both knits and I make soap so we always joke about it and the term "old lady" became an endearing term.

I say, don't let it get to you. The soapmaking hobby is also seeing an increase of younger hobbyists ! Btw, I'm 21 in Sept !

What was the saying on those tee shirts that they used to sell -- something like the "Ladies Sewing Circle and Terrorist Society". It seems apropos here!

LOL! Just the thread title made me laugh. A big part of my soaping is a desire to bring back and hold onto the wisdom that women of the older generations had...I think they were much more resourceful/wise/grounded than we are today.
"Old Lady? Why, thank you- to me that's a humbling distinction of the highest honor. I'm striving to be worthy."

LOL GIVE A NICE LATHERING WITH A BAR OF SOAP